south end dental clinic

Posted in pictures worth maybe not a thousand words, south end corporate sponsorship on October 24th, 2012 by skeeter

jitter java

Posted in pictures worth maybe not a thousand words, south end corporate sponsorship on February 23rd, 2012 by skeeter


Posted in south end corporate sponsorship on February 13th, 2012 by skeeter

So you wannabee an American Idol?     You’ve practiced in the shower, you’ve performed countless hours at the Stanwoodopolis Karaoke bars, you’ve taken it about as far as you can on your own.  Now it’s time to take it to the Next Level!      The Elger Bay Academy of Pickin and Grinnin, the Julliard of the metropolitan South End, now offers advanced Idol training, especially focusing on proven techniques to maximize your chances at becoming an X-Factor finalist or an American Idol winner.  Our instructors, graduates from the finest D.J. discos in the U.S. and Canada, will provide you with that ‘insider’ knowledge you need to compete at the national level.     You’ll learn  HAIR STYLING TECHNIQUES guaranteed to turn judge’s heads.                             DANCE ROUTINES so easy yet effective that judges scarcely notice  wrong notes.                           FASHION TIPS of former graduates and even regional finalists!  Dress for success!      Our professional staff will train you in voice stylings from rap to bebop, Sinatra to Madonna.  Croon like Crosby one song, then gangsta rap to Eminem.  Wow your friends with versatility instead of virtuosity!

Before your 2nd quarter tuition payment is due you’ll be headlining at the open mikes of Smokey Point and Mt. Vernon.  By graduation you’ll be forming your own act and performing in nightclubs and lounges where Everett talent agents water down.

Don’t spend your most productive years in the Karaoke caverns.  Let the Elger Bay Academy of Pickin and Grinnin hone your talents to a fine edge and put you on the freeway to musical success.        Enroll Now!   Call I-WANNABEE –A -STAR   today and get ready for a dazzling career in the spotlights.   Ask about our E-Z Payment Plans.   Highly endorsed by the South End String Band, 1998 graduates!!

insta-fotofence [a paid advertisement]

Posted in rantings and ravings, south end corporate sponsorship on January 25th, 2012 by skeeter

Neighbor, do you wake up mornings, look out your window over a cup of your favorite roasted coffee and discover the suburb you left behind two short years ago has followed you here to Paradise?  Does it seem like four of your next door neighbors are saluting you with their Starbuck’s coffee?  At night does it look like the sky is glowing an eerie electronic blue from 17 TV’s flickering out every living  room window?  During the day does it seem like every retiree from here to Elger Bay is mowing his weed and feed lawn on a precision close-order drill of riding John Deeres?   Do you find yourself daydreaming of a place in the country where you’re the only lucky fella in the subdivision?       Friend, stop thinking the grass is gonna be greener somewhere else… You know the chemical fertilizers aren’t any more effective there.

What you need is our newly patented, completely remodeled South End Insta-Foto Fence.  Installs in just minutes with household tools!  The Insta-Foto Fence not only repels stray dogs and unwanted neighbor kids, the life-like realistic scenes of rural retirement will lull you back into a reverie of country contemplation.

Lay back in your reclino-lounger with your favorite adult beverage and view scenes of rural bliss.  We offer a full catalogue of bucolic  photo options.  Maybe you want an ocean vista, waves gently rolling on to your immaculate yard.  Order ‘Sleepy Shores #17’.   If Pastoral Paradise (#3)  is more to your taste, a panorama of cattle grazing by far off trees on a gently undulating hillside will make you want put a straw in your mouth and a lemonade on the side table.  Maybe the long monsoon months of interminable winter have got you long in the mouth.  Try ‘Tropical Sunset foto-fence #6’ and forget those drizzly days of the past.  Prefer something more exotic?  Maybe a golf course scene in Hawaii is more your style with its happy duffers driving the fairways of your own backyard.  Just order ‘Pebble Beach Hole #9’ and imagine that drive between the sand bunkers hitting the green every time.    Twenty images to choose from, installed with no muss, no fuss.  So easy and affordably priced you’ll want to change fences often.

Instant Foto-Fence.  Because you deserve more than another man’s suburbs.  Now available in electric for maximum dog repellant protection.  Keeps out the deer too!!!


trim and a shave

Posted in rantings and ravings, south end corporate sponsorship, Uncategorized on January 23rd, 2012 by skeeter

Down at Jolene’s South End Boutique and Spa, the ladies come for hair repair and a weekly update on gossip.  The B&S is conveniently located just down the blacktop from the Diner so while their menfolk pile on another layer of winter cholesterol, the women can slide in for a touch-up.  Jolene and her cosmetologically adept staff — meaning Wanda and Ronald — offer everything from henna highlighting to full perm.  And, of course, like most retail establishments on the capitalist frontline here on the South End, they offer everything from local artworks and gifts to a plentiful assortment of salon products for the woman in search of a temporary bulwark against gravity and age.


In other words it’s a fine environment to get things off your chest.  Jolene is adept with a scissors and a necessary brake when the ‘unburdening’ gets excessive, but she knows, like most of us on the frontier of a receding civilization, the bitch sessions are not only cathartic, they’re as close to entertainment as we’ll get in the daytime.  Subjects range from Jolene’s no-account sister-in-law’s messy affairs to why there’s no damn holiday in America celebrating a woman.  Because men make the damn holidays, that’s the short and not so sweet of it…  Ronald might pipe in there’s none for gay men either but a moment later, scissors snipping like a crab on steroids, he’ll be off on a tangent about so and so’s snide comment about his new nose ring.  The salon is as abuzz with snide comments as it is with hairsprays and clippers.  Us men rarely pick up the missus there, and if we do, the place goes eerily silent.


Two Toke Tom has his hair coiffed by Ronald.  It changes color every month or two, blue streaks substituted for red locks.  One of the boyz at the Diner asked him what they talked about in there, like it was the Rosicrucians meeting in a graveyard after midnight.  Two Toke just smiled his Cheshire Cat stoned smile, put a hand to sizzling hot purple stripe and said wistfully, Girl Talk.


If I want to keep abreast of current events, it might be time I got my own south end’s trimmed down at Jolene’s.  But I probably won’t tell the boyz…

invasion of the crustacean!

Posted in rantings and ravings, south end corporate sponsorship on January 17th, 2012 by skeeter

ATTACK OF THE KILLER CRABS!!     Once again the island will be menaced by the annual Invasion of the Crustaceans when the Camano Center (606 Arrowhead Road) holds its Crab Fest Saturday, January 21st from 3:30 to 7 pm.   Only one thing stands between humankind and these monsters:  the South End String Slingers!   With special guest Montana mandolin Barry Gum. …. This old time fiddle band knows how to stop these 8 legged fiends in their sideways tracks with a steaming mix of backwash roots music, foot stomping fiddle tunes and claw cracking Celtic.   Bring an appetite, bring a shell bucket and bring your bib!  Guaranteed the action will be hot and heavy, but don’t you humans fret, the String Slingers will be covering your backs one dead Dungeness at a time.   One small step for Man, one giant crab cracker for Camano.

audio — extend-a-porch

Posted in audio versions ---- the talkies, south end corporate sponsorship on January 16th, 2012 by skeeter

[podcast][/podcast]audio — extend-a-porch

extend-a-porch [a paid advertisement]

Posted in rantings and ravings, south end corporate sponsorship on January 15th, 2012 by skeeter

All you backyard woodwhackers listen up!!  How many times have you found yourself on the front porch and wished for a scootch more elbow room?  The old frigidaire blocking up the scene as usual?  Major appliances cramping your style?  You need the patent pending, fully warranted South End Extend-a-Porch, the perfect solution for those rainy day socials where the kinfolks are jammed up against the tire-swing waiting for the ice cream to crank solid.


You just pull the E-Z grab handle and out she comes like an accordian Murphy Bed, sets right on blocks, old tires, tree stumps,  whatever’s handy and in seconds the party’s got room to stretch.  Shirt tail relatives recede to the Back 40 in an instant, practically out of hollering distance.  All those family fisticuffs are a thing of the past.  Old Yeller, the family hound won’t have to unkink that broken tail out from under the rocker every 10 minutes.  But he probably will anyway.


You’ll have room for hoseshoes or pin the donkey and still have a corner for the wedding guests.  Need room for a 10 piece fiddle band?  No problem.  The Extend-a-Porch comes in our Double Wide Mobile Home Model.  Has its own roll-on roofing with tires to match the original.  You act now and we’ll throw in radial tires for that roof extension, plus, completely free of charge, our deluxe combination hammock and refrigerator screen.  Out of sight, out of mind.  And you can still use the fridge for storage.


The Extend-a-Porch.  Perfect for the over extended family.  Don’t send Grandma to the Home just because you haven’t got room.  Converts to a mother-in-law unit, a root cellar, an automotive shop.  Hundreds of uses.  Act Today.  1-800-MY-PORCH.  Our operators are standing by.  1-800-MY- PORCH.  You will not find this offer at retail outlets so we cannot be undersold.  Our trained installation experts will have you retro-fitted for that next shirt-tail family reunion in the time it takes to say 1-800-MY-PORCH.  More elbow room at a reasonable price.   1-800-MY-PORCH.  Call NOW!!!

piranha bros

Posted in south end corporate sponsorship on January 4th, 2012 by skeeter

[ a paid advertisement]

So you been thinking of remodeling the palace?  Maybe add indoor plumbing or a parlor off the rec room?  Maybe the mizzus wants that extra room for her special doll collection.  Or you just need a den big enough for hibernating in with that drive-in theater size plasma TV and its 24 speakers you bought down at Costco, one too many drinks that afternoon, but they didn’t sell you the showroom, now did they? And that Buick-sized entertainment center looks mighty cramped on top of the dining room table.   Or maybe you’re just tired of watching tarpaper peeling year after year.

You got yourself some nest-building ideas, though.  Taj Mahal notions on a homesteader budget.  That’s why you need us.  We’re the Piranha Brothers, 25 years remodeling experience here on the South End,  we’re your Fixit Franchise, your Handyman Helper, your Blacktop of Dreams Machine.

We’ll bypass that cumbersome government permit process down at the county and move efficiently and swiftly to expedite your remodeling wishlist.  Most contractors sub out all their labor, but our experienced crew of Rufus and Jim Bob stay with the job from tarpaper to wallpaper.  They bring that personal touch to every jobsite.  And if you’re not satisfied – they’re not satisfied.  Cause we won’t pay em!!  Ha ha – just joshing, folks.  Satisfaction is guaranteed.  That’s been our motto for the last quarter century.

Believe you me, we stand behind our work.  Not like some of these off-island fly-by-nighters whose warranty expires when you see their taillights leaving the driveway.  That new roof leaks, Jim Bob’s gonna find and fix it, free of charge the first three rainstorms.  I don’t care if he misses the entire 2nd half of the football game.

We’re the Piranha Brothers, aggressive remodeling is our business.  We De-Vour the competition, not our clientele.  For a free estimate, call us today.  1-800- NO-PERMIT

No job too big, no bill too small.  PIRANHA BROTHERS:  Your South End Dream Builders.  Don’t Delay What We Can Build Tomorrow.  1-800-NO-PERMIT


Because NO MATTER HOW YOU GOT YOUR MONEY ,  YOU DESERVE THE BEST IT CAN BUY!!!                                                    1-800-NO-PERMIT  Our operators are standing right here!     1-800- NO-PERMIT  Call now!