Service Animals on Noah’s Ark Airlines

So this poor college student boarded her plane (name withheld under my attorney’s request) and the wicked witch of a stewardess informed her that her dear hamster wasn’t allowed to accompany her. Something bogus about not wanting rats on the jet, spreading Black Plague or frightening the other passengers. She explained to this corporate lackey that her cute little rodent wasn’t a rat, it was a hamster and furthermore, it was a ‘service animal.’

Just a few days prior a woman had been denied boarding with her service animal, a peacock. She too was quite distraught when the airline revised its policy pretty much right there in the boarding area disallowing peacocks from flying the friendly skies. Probably figured peacocks could fly by themselves with a little encouragement. The hamster, though, not going to grow wings and so, when the airline personnel barred the cute little bugger from taking its seat, the owner asked what was she supposed to do with Mickey? And was advised she could flush it in the nearest toilet.

Now … if you were the kind of fragile personality that needed a rodent for emotional support, just saying, telling you to go flush your support rat might just push you to the edge of a tall precipice. We are emotionally vulnerable people these dark days of the empire and if we need something warmer than a teddy bear or a blankey for comfort, I for one certainly understand. There are days when I can barely open up a newspaper without fearing for my sanity. Today in fact. The President the President the President. Blocking the Democrat’s answer to the Nunes memo. Defending his assistant chief of staff who, despite beating his wives, did a fine job. Or defending this abuser’s boss who knew about this months ago but also put out a statement …. Hell, it goes on and on and if I had a service animal, maybe a cute little wolverine or a school of piranhas, I might have an easier time of coping with a reality that seems to be slipping out from under me hour by hour.

And if I needed to fly someplace, maybe to a country that still held democratic values to be admirable, I’d want to take my support group with me, is that so hard to understand??? I’d keep them in a fish bowl or on a leash, whatever the jerk airline companies demanded. And don’t give me that crap about my fellow passengers complaining about wolverine bites or allergies or whatever whiney bellyaching they dream up, we all need a friend in these troubled times and I know I wouldn’t mind flying with their service animals. Might actually liven up the trip.

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2 Responses to “Service Animals on Noah’s Ark Airlines”

  1. Rick Says:

    If the critter had made it on the plane, the young woman might have asked for a kosher meal to feed her pet. It’s a ham-ster after all, and it would be seriously disturbing to force cannibalism on the creature.

  2. skeeter Says:

    Hamster and eggs, you think that could be kosher? If so, forget the service animal sideline and let’s go into full bore meat substitutes. They breed like rats, don’t they? McHamsters. Maybe the solution to the world food shortage. More appetizing than rats, that’s for sure. Beats flushing them down those airplane toilets onto the poor unsuspecting citizens below.

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