Bitcoin for Dummies

Posted in rantings and ravings on February 13th, 2018 by skeeter

Recently I was lounging with my fellow fiscal geniuses at our latest symposium at the Pilot House. Janet, our beverage management expert, had just brought our 3rd or 4th round of malt samples when Joker Jerry asked, “How ‘bout we pay in bitcoins tonight, Janet?”

Janet had a tray full of our dead soldiers and a bellyful of our smartass remarks. “Sure, Jerry, if you can tell me exactly what a bitcoin is.”

Jerry, ever the comedian, replied, “It’s cyber money, Janet. You could take my bitcoin tip today and it would be worth 10 times more week’s end.”

“That’s great, Jerry. What’s 10 times 50 cents? Probably my retirement fund, right?” Jerry muttered something sotto voce about no tip at all, but Janet was long gone and we were left to ponder cyber currency, yahoos who barely understood what president was on a bill beyond the twenty dollar bill and I sure don’t know who it is. Trump? Scrooge McDuck?

“So okay, Jerry,” Bobbie D. asked, “you’re the fiduciary whiz, what the hell is a bitcoin?”

Joe asked, “Is it a real coin you could hold in your hand or just internet Monopoly money? And how would you know what it’s worth if it’s jumping up and down like Venezuelan pesos.”

“What do you know about Venezuelan money, Joe? “ Jerry asked and Joe asked Jerry, “What do you know about bitcoins?”

“I know if you’d bought some a few months back, you’d be buying the drinks tonight.”

“And if I’d bought some a few weeks ago, I’d be drinking heavily at home.”

Billy, who sells real estate for Windy Rear Realty said it was like buying a house. “It’s an investment, that’s all. Not like you use it to buy a burger, ya know.”

“No, I don’t know,” Joe said, “that’s the point. What do you use it for?”

“Drugs,” Two Toke Tom declared. “So the Feds can’t track it.”

“None of us can track it apparently,” I mumbled, draining my $5 dollar beer, plus 8.9% tax and a bigger than usual tip for Janet. And so our seminar reached an inconclusive finale, but we will most definitely continue in-depth research and I’ll report back soon as we have a plausible answer. In the meantime trust in God and the money that tells you to.

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