The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

I did not have sex with that Ukrainian President! No wait, that was a Democratic President who was lying. This is different, fundamentally, different. We did not talk quid pro quo on that phone conversation. In fact it was a perfect phone conversation, perfect. So perfect we locked it up in the super secret Cone of Silence at the Deep State Data Bank Vault, but we have a transcript, not quite as perfect, mind you, but pretty perfect. You can judge for yourself that I’m innocent.

Well, okay, I did ask the comedian president, Zelenskiy, or Zorro or whatever his goofy name is, for some help cleaning up corruption in that shithole country he’s running. Sent Rudy right over there, see what’s what, get it cleared up before things get worse and they elect a clown for president. They got the goods on Biden and his kid. We just need to get them to dig a little, find something we can use before the 2020’s. You believe that guy, Sleepy Joe, using his name to get his kid a 50K a month gig on their oil board? Corruption! They both ought to be in jail. High crimes and treason.

So what if Little Adam Schitt has a whistle blower, fake news, third hand rumors, who cares? There was no quid pro quo, I only asked Zorro to look into Biden’s boy, big deal. What, another whistle blower? First hand information? There’s treason, you ask me … the guy ought to be outed and shot. Along with Shifty Schitt. So yeah, maybe I did put the chill on those weapons we promised Zorro to fight the Russians. Who, by the way, aren’t bad people if Putin was being honest with me and I think I know honesty when I hear it and I hear it louder than anyone ever has now or before. I hear it like a bell beat by a gong, a huge gong. It sounds great.

So I asked for a favor if he wanted those weapons. I admit it, big deal, who cares? That’s how we do business. Maybe you read my book, The Art of the Deal? I still have some copies you can buy. I’m the deal guy, the best, nobody like me since Kubla Khan, and I could take him with one hand behind my back. If I could reach that far ….

Trading influence for political gain? I don’t think so. Read the transcript. Perfect phone conversation, I won’t say too many times again. No, the real one is locked up. You’d just cherry pick it, twist it around, make me look like a crook. I’m not a crook, I’m a businessman, that’s why you morons elected me, time for a change. I just want to weed out corruption, nepotism, drain the swamp, make America Great Again. Go look at what Biden did, it’s a crime, a real felony, why pick on me? China, you listening? I’d take any help I can get. Give me a call. Rudy’s got a jet ready to roll.

Impeach me?? Who you kidding? Rick Perry is who you want. Made me call that Zorro guy. Now the coward has quit. Looks guilty as hell, quitting like that. Talk to him, I don’t know anything about it.

Okay, so now that Mr. T has tweeted his opinion that those 4 Congresswomen should go back to where they came from and been informed that 3 of them come from the same place he does, well, time to focus on the Somalian who he claims hates America. Meaning, she has found some faults here that she, as an elected official in the United States Congress, hopes to address. For that she is labeled a hater, unpatriotic, possibly a felon and probably a terrorist. So much for tolerance in the Yew Ess Aye.

Today Rand Paul, another elected official, apparently comfortable with throwing stones now that others are throwing them first, stated that he would buy Rep. Ilhan Omar a ticket back to Somalia so she could learn what a great country we really are, kind of ironic considering the tone of intolerance of Sen. Paul. Criticism by someone born outside his country evidently doesn’t cut it for him. Best damn country in the world. Best damn country ever. How dare anyone who came from somewhere else find fault! Fly her back and he’ll pay the airfare.

Excuse me, but one of the things I happen to like about my country, and yeah, I was born here, is the right to free speech. Also the right to criticize. And absolutely the right to find fault and maybe even suggest ways to correct those faults. Call me unpatriotic, call me a terrorist, call me a Muslim sympathizer, call me late for dinner, but HEY, guys like Paul and Trump, they’re the threat to this country. They’re the subversives. They’re what scare the bejabbers out of me. Maybe Sen. P should go visit some totalitarian countries, the ones who squelch dissent and suppress opposition, to get a better sense of what makes this country great. Maybe we could all help him with the airfare. First class, of course.