The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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Our Fearless Leader showed the lying press the big fat letter Kim Jong Un sent to him and mentioned how it was a very interesting letter. What, the lying press asked, did the North Korean dictator have to say? The Prez was in a jovial mood so he taunted them with it. I bet you would, he said, and maybe, just maybe, if they said pretty please with sugar on it, he might tell them. Later.

This pesky press! Always digging. Always prying. Always lying. Why not keep it from them, this missive from the Koreans over the summit coming in less than two weeks to determine the fate of the peninsula? Ha ha, I bet you’d like to know, you curious cats. But I’m the President of the Once Free World and I’ll let you in on this little secret in my own good time. So there.

Course, the lying press wouldn’t leave it alone. No, they kept asking, kept bugging him, kept repeating the question, what’s in the letter, what’s in the envelope? So finally, to shut them up, geez, how much pestering can a man take!, he told them he hadn’t opened it yet. And needless to say, the lying press howled, the lying press hollered, the lying press said what an idiot!

He’ll read it later. He’ll let them know in his own good time what it says. But meantime, oh yeah, the lying press are having fun with this. No wonder the Prez hates a free press. They turn everything around, twist it this way and that, make him look like a fool. He said it was an interesting letter. A very interesting letter. Well, he didn’t say he’d read the damn thing, now did he? Just that it was a very interesting letter. Later on, someone will read it. Probably not him, not something that fat and obviously more than a tweet’s worth of words, he doesn’t have time for excess verbosity, whaddaya think?

Meanwhile the Summit is on. The agenda is no doubt being set right now. Great things will be resolved, he says. Might take more time than one meeting, we’ll just have to wait and see. Me, I just hope Kim Jong Un didn’t write to cancel it. Be a shame to open that letter and get the bad news the day before….

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I want to clear the air of some serious misconceptions about my plea for donations to buy a jet that can reach my followers in the extreme corners of the earth spreading the Word of Skeeter, doing Good Works. Some of the yammering critics, no doubt liberal elitists driving around in fancy Teslas and Lexuses, have spread the faux news that I have three jets already. Believe me as ye believe IN me, I haven’t got three jets. I have a pickup truck about 8 years old with two bullet holes in the passenger door panel that aren’t actually bullet holes, they just look like bullet holes. You spread the Holy Word of the Church of the Profane, trust me, heathens will come out of the woods to attack old Rev. Skeeter. The truth would set them free, but some folks, not you folks of course, some folks just don’t want to be free.

Just another reason to help me purchase that luxury jetliner. You’d need a surface to air missile to attack the Reverend then! And if that ever happens, I’ll just step it up another notch and see about one of those Space X reusable rockets Elon Musk is building. Closer to Heaven! Closer to Heaven!

So no, I do not have 3 jets. Sorry to disappoint my detractors. I don’t even have 3 trucks. And if you help me with this turbo prop jet, I promise I’ll donate my truck to a worthy cause, how’s that? The Lord helps those who help themselves, we prosperity pastors like to say. We like to say it a whole lot. Almost a mantra if we were Buddhists or something goofy like that. But of course we’re not. We’re simple preachers, trying to spread the News in this era of Faux News, and hoping to show, by example, how the Lord showers his blessings on the Deserving. And you need to know, the donations you give will return to you a hundred fold. I know, it sounds counter-intuitive, but Faith will guide you and keep you. Blessings, my flock!

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