The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

FIRE ( Financial Independence, Retire Early)

Even before Trump pronounced You’re Fired, maybe you heard of FIRE, the groupthink of slackers like myself who thought Maynard G. Krebs had it correct back on Dobie Gillis: Work?? A four letter word spoken only with incredulity, as in, What, Me?
There’s an entire movement out there for those who want to retire young. In fact, there’s a Lean Fire and a Fat Fire, the former for those who think they might manage to live on 40 grand a year and the latter for those who think they might manage on a mere 150 grand. The latter we’re going to call rich and if they need help figuring out how to retire comfortably, I’m not going to be the one to give advice. Other than to tell them to get their heads out of their ass and wake up. You’re rich, you idiot!

But for the rest of us, me, my neighbors on the South End and possibly you wannabee retirees, I have all kinds of free advice. I know, if I set myself up as a Life Counselor, I’d be in the Fat Fire category, rich beyond my means to spend it all. No, that would defeat the purpose now, wouldn’t it? Even if I do think Life Counselor doesn’t actually fall into the category of work. Maynard G. was really a life counselor, after all. At least for me.

I have friends who run the numbers on what they will need to live a comfortable lifestyle into their 90’s. You can find financial advisors who will lay out your portfolio and give you the verdict if you can live on a mere 100K a year until the assisted living apartments kick your indigent self onto the sidewalk when you run out of pesos. Most of you won’t want to take the chance. Most of us would rather … yes, work, than risk becoming a bag lady at 95, eating from dumpsters and sitting at the freeway exit soliciting alms. TOO EARLY RETIREMENT, ANY $$$’S WILL HELP. GOD BLESS.

If you’re that kind of planner, forget about it. Retiring early requires a leap of faith. You either believe you can make ends meet or you don’t. It helps to start early, the earlier the better. That way you can make adjustments. Worst case, you can … well, there’s no gentle way to say this, you can go to work. The Lean Fire people may not tell you, but I will, if you retire before you made any money, you will have to find some means of accruing greenbacks for food, clothes, dwellings and the like. Sorry, but it’s kind of a Law of Physics.

The trick the Lean Fire Folks keep to themselves is that you have to work, you just don’t have to work for the Man. Swell, right? They also won’t tell you working for yourself is hard. The pay is crap, the boss is a jerk and the retirement you already took isn’t offered in the self-employment package. Neither is health care, vacation, sick leave, all that stuff you walked away from. Check the Lean Fire Fine Print if you don’t believe me.

But! If you’re like me and Maynard, take the gamble. Beats the odds at the casino and way better than Lotto. Worst case, you have to go back and do what you hated in the first place, but you got a short vacation. You might even learn to shop Goodwill and buy generic. You might find that the America that isn’t nose to tail in the rat race isn’t so bad after all. You might discover you actually have an imagination and that imagination might take you places you never dreamed possible. Even without that 150K budget….

Hits: 34

Hits: 33

Hits: 19

Hits: 25

Microsoft just came out to advocate FOR government regulations on the unfettered use of facial recognition. I know, I had to reread the article’s headline twice too. After all, Microsoft is developing the software for the government, big contracts on the line, money to be made … but they’re warning us what they’re doing is pretty creepy and maybe folks ought to stop a nano-second to consider the implications. It’s like a serial killer warning the school he plans to shoot up that the gun he’s holding maybe should be regulated. You know, before it’s too late.

And if anyone would know, these guys do. What they know is how pervasive and insidious the use of this kind of surveillance will be once they get it up and operational. Cameras mounted on rooftops and every possible nook and cranny, all interconnected to police or government computers, nobody could go anywhere potentially without being tracked. Course, in the digital world, that’s pretty much the case now. Mostly just friendly corporations, you understand, monitoring your computer usage, your Facebook links, your child pornography interests. Like the guy who called me last night, he’s recording our conversation to protect me. From what? I ask, but we both know it’s him. Trouble is, I don’t know who he is. But he knows who I am.

Sure, I could blame Zuckerberg and Bezos, Amazon and Facebook, Microsoft and Apple, but we’re the ones who let the guy on the phone record us, we’re the yahoos who buy the technology that controls our house now and asks us with a human sounding voice how it can help us. My computer wants to interface with me no matter how many times I tell it not to bother. Too late, too late, the spy is in the house of love.

But if Microsoft thinks alarm bells are sounding, who am I to hit the Snooze button? They know they’ll make a zillion bucks anyway, but even they know the world they’re creating is creepy and Orwellian. When Big Brother starts warning you to put restraints on him, I think we ought to listen.

Hits: 49

Hits: 38

And the stockings were stuffed with sealed indictments this holiday ….

It’s not over til the fat man sings, isn’t that what they say? Well, the fat man is howling. His personal attorney decided not to take a bullet from the boss after all and he’s singing like a canary to Mueller’s team, so much so, they recommended a light sentence, which probably tells us all we need to know about how far along this investigation has come. The noose is tightening. Trump, not exactly the most loyal boss we ever met, declared that Cohen should have the book thrown at him. And Gen. Flynn, he’s like Cohen, no point throwing the rest of his life away on unreciprocated loyalties. Manafort, who originally decided to cooperate and then reneged, well, great guy once again. Manafort has a lot more to worry about than a pissed off President. He’s got Russian assassins in the rearview.

Poor Trump. His Sec. of State declared this week that he frequently had to tell his boss what he wanted was illegal. His boss tweeted that Tillerson was dumb as a rock and lazy as hell. Tillerson probably was president of Exxon parlaying those two talents, but he did understand the limits of the law, something Donald has never bothered to learn in the rough and tumble of New Yawk real estate. I suspect he’s in for some cruel tutoring.

But so are we. Anyone who thinks an impeachment is imminent better lay off the Spiked Egg Nog. The true believers don’t care if their man grabs genitals, pays off porn stars, meets with Russians during a presidential campaign or bends the rules to make a buck or three. The true believers don’t care much about truth. The true believers may not care if their hero has engaged in high crimes and misdemeanors. That, friend, is the state of the union today.

If this were a Netflix series, we could binge for years. And after all, isn’t that what Trump offered us, entertainment value? He certainly delivered, give him that. We’re only in the second year … with the potential of two more, maybe six. The smart money would start planning for the sequel right now. Donald’s not going to jail. He’s going to do what he planned before the unexpected election victory happened. Make more money. Hype the Brand. Declare success and move up. The Republicans aren’t going to impeach this guy and risk alienating the alienated. They’re not suicidal. And the American People, you, me, the deplorables, we’re hooked on the series now. Nobody wants a Sudden Ending. We want another cliff hanger, week after week.

The fat man might howl, but no way is he going to sing.

Hits: 31

Hits: 31

Hits: 76

I know I shouldn’t get all Big-Headed about this, but … the White House called today and asked if I would consider an appointment as Secretary of State. I was so taken by surprise I said I would have to take a day to consider this. Especially given the fact that I have no actual experience or expertise in world affairs other than a short stint teaching 8th graders American History. And, full disclosure, I taught them a version of Sociology 101 since that was my major and not history.

But when your country calls, can you really ignore the request? Sure, I realize the position is only open because no self-respecting State Department employee would take the job. Not when the employer is soon to be under indictment for felonies and possibly treason. And yet … isn’t this the moment for patriots to step forward? Nobody said a cabinet position would be easy, even if it looks like it might be a given that most of them lack the same experience I do. I haven’t even been a pundit on Fox News like most of them. But I would be after my term, guaranteed, I’m told, six figures, no background checks.

It’s bottom of the barrel time in America, obviously, but it’s also a golden opportunity to rise to the occasion, help make it Great Again, maybe turn the ship of state around, help Kushner solve that sticky wicket of a peace process in the Middle East and finalize a deal with Little Rocket Man over there in whatever country he’s running, Japan? Sure, I’ll have to bone up a bit, but that’s what Wickipedia is for. (I just looked up LRM’s country, it’s Korea, one or the other of the two.) And yeah, I know the Boss is hard on his employees, but I’ve been working for myself most of my life and my boss is a jerk most of the time, so big deal, I’m used to abuse. But the pay would sure look better!

So I’m thinking about taking the job. If I don’t, chances are you’ll get a call tomorrow. Maybe you should start thinking about it now. Chief of Staff is opening up this week and that cutie he just picked for Ambassador to the U.N. won’t be there long. Zinke is a dead man walking over in Interior and Mnuchin or Munchkin or however you say it probably should be checking his emails.

History makes great men, not the other way around. Might just be time to take your place in the pantheon.

Hits: 27