The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

The acting Secretary of Defense Patrick Shanahan stepped down this morning, apparently to spend more time with his family. A lot of Trump folks seem to crave family time these past couple of years, but this one is a bit more interesting, given that reports of his withdrawal for the nomination were the result of investigations into a couple of family disturbances many years ago. Police reports indicate a squabble in an affluent section of Seattle that ultimately led to a backyard brawl. Patrick seems to have lost the bout, nose bloodied, hand bleeding, after what his now ex-wife claims was precipitated by his punching her in the stomach. Seattle, a tough town, all right. She grabbed the kids and lit out for sunny Florida. Couple years later her boy beat her with a baseball bat. Family life, I guess, isn’t what it’s cracked up to be by the folks exiting the Trump White House.

Now that he was officially nominated as Sec. of Defense, the FBI began to do the background checks. Lots of ghosts in that family closet so Mr. Shanahan decided maybe to drop out. Good timing, Mr. Secretary. You just sent 1000 troops over to Iran, what you called a defensive maneuver, and now you want to throw in the towel. Sure, the country’s in good hands, Trump and Bolton taking turns at the wheel and all, but geez, maybe you might’ve seen this coming. Obviously you need some martial arts training. That, or the mizzus was teaching you a lesson you needed learning. It is called Defense Secretary.

Of course, there’s always the slim possibility that Trump decided to dump his latest Cabinet Crew. I know, doesn’t seem likely, given his loyalty to those who serve. No doubt whatsoever that he has someone lined up to take Shanahan’s place in these perilous times. It’s what makes him the greatest Commander-in-Chief of the last couple years, and I mean that as a Yuge compliment.

From my viewpoint in steerage the boat seems completely rudderless. The Commander is now starting his campaign run and given his notorious lack of attention span, this should suck up all his available time when he’s not rerunning Fox and Friends. Some of my cohorts were heartened back in the good old days of this Administration when the Donald hired on generals to run the country for him. Adults in the room, my colleagues sighed in great relief. They, like most of his picks for Cabinet, are long gone now from the sandbox, most of them followed by taunts of ‘Loser!’ from the boy who hired them in the first place. I’m sure, and I’m sure you are too, his next pick to run the military will be a thoughtful one.

The truth is out there somewhere. At least that’s what the X-files folks would have you believe. Me, I’m not so sure anymore. Every day I hear the Leader of the Free World dropping another Whopper we don’t even bother fact-checking, just accept it for what it is, the ravings of a either a madman or the guy who figured out what us People want to hear. If he put the Tooth Fairy up for nomination for Secretary of the Defense tomorrow, well, why not? Good story for a few hours before the next jewel drops in the news cycle that looks more like Entertainment Tonight than Meet the Press.

Trouble is, maybe here in the Yew Ess Aye we’ve become inured to this steady stream of prevarications, but out there in the rest of the world, not so much. When our President claims the Iranians shot down our drone plane over international waters … and the Iranians claim they shot it down over their own territory, who ya gonna believe? Them … or the guy who rarely utters anything but bullshit? I mean, you’d like to give the man the benefit of the doubt, wouldn’t you? But he’s cried wolf so damn many times and we’ve all come running over and over again.

Now I’m as much for war as the next fellow. Especially if his name is Bolton. Any excuse, any contrived provocation, any chance whatsoever to smack those mullahs in Iran, you bet, let’s start the shooting. That drone cost in the neighborhood of 200 million dollars. Sure, we could spend the money for those on curing cancer, but we need to keep America safe, very safe. Comfort yourself with that knowledge when the grim diagnosis comes in from your oncologist. You won’t die at the hands of a crazed Iranian.

Now that Trump and his team of Tooth Fairies have eliminated the threat from Kim Jung Un over there on the Korean Peninsula, checkmated Putin in Ukraine, armwrestled Xi to an economic capitulation, routed the Taliban in Afghanistan, handled that Venezuela issue, solved the Israeli/Palestine conundrum and strong-armed the Saudis into leaving Yemen alone, why not turn our attention to another easy fix?

Iraq was a piece of cake, Syria too, so why should Iran be very much harder? If the rest of our allies, the ones we keep poking with a sharp stick, won’t join in the fun, well, we can go it alone. Oil will still sail through Hormuz. Sure, Tehran will be rubble but peace will finally come to the Middle East. The World will thank us. Another wolf has been dispatched. Are we a great country or what?

Fox and Friends —you got to love these folks, don’tcha? — could hardly believe their war general had scrambled retaliatory jets to make a bloody point to those infidel Iranians after they’d shot down a drone. They were yugely disappointed. Weak, it just made Donald look, well, no other way to characterize it, the kind of guy who would grab himself by the pussy, pardon my Bronx. He needed to make a Point, he needed to spill some blood, he needed to look manly, but no, he’d called back those bombers 10 minutes before they were due to deliver some whup-ass. Weak, just plain Obamaesque. They were sorely disappointed in their Commander-in-Chief.

Now, there is some dispute as to exactly where that drone was shot down. The evil Iranians claim it was over their territory but Fox and Friends know anything they say is probably a bald-faced lie. Not like their Favorite Viewer, not like the President known for fact checking his boasts. The malevolent Iranians claimed to have support for their claim and would show it to the United Nations. Our side, the White Hats, don’t need to provide corroboration. We know they wouldn’t fudge this. Not our way . Not the way of the Man-in-Charge. Fox and Friends know who’s telling the truth and they don’t need no stinking proof. Hannity, always restrained, told Iran (he must think they’re regular fans) Trump would ‘bomb the crap out of them.’ Tough talk from a tough talking head. Jeez….

In the Trump era we don’t really trust government. We don’t trust the lying media, we sure don’t trust Democrats. We don’t believe the FBI or the CIA or the Mueller Report. But if the government says the Iranians shot down that drone over international waters, well, sir, they must be telling the truth. This once. Finally. Who knows, maybe they’ve turned over a new leaf.

John Bolton, our esteemed National Security Advisor, is a bit on the hawkish side. Probably never met a Middle Eastern conflict he didn’t like and one more would be just fine. That last war in Iraq went so darn well he’s spoiling for one next door. We’ve pulled out of the treaty with those nasty lying Muslims that Obama put together to keep them from developing nuclear weapons and now we’re tightening the screws on exports of oil, the thinking being that when the suffering of the populace reaches 11 on the pain scale, they’ll overthrow the mullahs. Worked well in Syria.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this: I don’t think Trump wants to go to war. He talks a tough talk, but he walks like a guy who’s never had to step into an alley without his attorney to do his punching. He campaigned by mocking George Bush’s brother for his war, his idiot war. He just declared his candidacy for 2020. And somehow I just don’t see One More Endless War as his campaign slogan. Fox and Friends might disagree with me on this one. Wouldn’t be the first time. That’s why they make the big bucks and I write this little blog.

Maybe you can be forgiven for wanting to stay in bed late with the covers pulled over your head and probably the pillow too. PSO, Political Saturation Overload, a previously undiagnosed malaise that now is approaching epidemic proportions. Take today. Trump tells an interviewer he would gladly accept opposition research from foreign countries despite the fact we’ve spent the last two years investigating Russian influence on his election, ended up with no real proof of collusion, and now he claims he’d gladly work with Norway if they offered up some dirt useful to his re-election. Slow learner? Or someone above the law?

Kellyanne Conway was cited by the government watchdog Office of Special Counsel for violations of the Hatch Act which prohibits such activities as promoting Ivanka’s products or criticizing political opponents running for office next election. Trump claims it’s a ‘free speech thing’ and refuses to fire her. Or obviously ask that she cease and desist.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders resigned, probably because her boss no longer needs a position for press secretary, choosing instead to handle that function by Tweet and interviews with Fox News. She will be sorely missed … but not by very many. The fact that press meetings had virtually ended might have played a small role. Or that Arkansas is in dire need of a gubernatorial candidate who can lie with a straight face while at the same time scowling like Trump receiving his latest poll numbers might make the resignation palatable for her.

Maybe you pulled a second pillow over your ears when the Israelis named their new settlement in Golan after your candidate for Mt. Rushmore, a fitting tribute by Bibi to the man who gave him an American embassy in Jerusalem and offered up his son-in-law as official peace negotiator. Obviously we’re in good hands with real estate developers solving complex geo-political issues. Trump Heights indeed.

If that weren’t enough to keep the snooze button worn out every morning, add the latest Iranian drumbeat to war. It’s comforting to know that the guy who hasn’t got time to read reports, listen to advisors or otherwise avail himself of pertinent information is the same yahoo who will decide what to do in the Straits of Hormuz based on ‘undeniable proof’ the Iranians attacked a couple of tankers. One day it was undeniable they had had mines attached on their hulls by Red Guard scuba divers, next day that ground to air missiles had been fired at drones and hit the boats. I know I don’t need much further corroboration. Until tomorrow when the story changes once more. And I even bet Trump and Kushner have undeniable information on where the Iraqis hid those weapons of mass destruction.

Stay in bed, buddy. To sleep, perchance to dream. The nightmare is what’s waiting when you get up….