The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Lately there has been some serious speculation that D.J. Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Japan’s Prime Minister. Of course mostly it’s a rumor started by Trump himself, but it does give you some insight into the man’s modesty. If it were true, no doubt he would be in fairly serious competition with Assad of Syria and Putin of Russia, but as you know by now from repetitious self-advertising, the man is a Winner, a legend in his own mind.

Why not? We live in a topsy-turvy world now and if you think the Peace Prize is out of his reach, think again. After all, he stopped that imminent war with North Korea he threatened to start. And if the planet isn’t safer after pulling out of the Iran Treaty, he doubled down by pulling out of the IMF missile treaty too. His automaton Vice President just boasted to the Europeans that because D.J. was bullying them into paying more for NATO, it made him the Leader of the Free World. So what if nobody applauded. At least they didn’t laugh.

Me, I’m expecting an announcement any day that D.J. was also nominated for the Physics Prize. The Stockholm committee will reason that anyone who can call into question the laws of science must be a force to be reckoned with. And while they’re at it, maybe nominate him for the Literature Prize for elevating the Tweet to an artform for generations to come. Wouldn’t surprise me either if they awarded him the prize for Economics too, a leader who took the voodoo out of economics and brought zombie finance back to life, waging tariff wars and renegotiating existing pacts and returning us to nationalism when the rest of the world is recklessly moving toward globalism.

While they’re at it, maybe they’ll rethink the name, Nobel Prize. Trump Prize. Has a nice ring to it. And instead of handing out the awards, maybe they could have the nominees compete, then one by one, be eliminated. A little more interesting than just handing out the medals, don’tcha think? Plus, the advertising revenues would be huge. Might have to add a few categories to hold public interest, but it’s about time to freshen up a stale contest. Prize in Demagoguery is my pick. And I have someone in mind already. The rest are fired!

After 15 minutes of trying to log on to the computer at the motel we’re staying at, with no control over the mouse’s pointer, I finally gave up. But as you know, if you know me at all, I do not readily admit defeat to the gods of technology and if I did, I would beat that mouse to a plastic death so that neither of us would win. So I engaged my Holmesian power of rational deduction and returned minutes later to the unheated side room by the motel’s front door they amusingly labeled BUSINESS CENTER, no doubt because not only did it have a computer and a monitor and the aforementioned mousey, it had a bench too. For those waiting their turn? And … I brought a newspaper. I know what you’re thinking, but then you’re not Sherlock.

Course, really, neither am I. But I put the newspaper under the mouse (I did not roll it up and beat the bastard with it like a bad puppy) and voila, I had complete mastery of the machine. The Business Center desk was glass and my theory was the mouse needed an opaque surface. You Republicans should ignore this kind of reasoning and just assume the first attempt was either a bald-faced lie or the second just blind luck. I mentioned this to the day clerk, wondering mildly if anyone else had reported mouse malfunction and if so, perhaps he might consider, oh, one of those mousey pads. My guess is he doesn’t give a good goddamn and anyone who doesn’t travel with a laptop or a smartphone deserves a refrigerated alcove with a mouse that refuses commands. My second guess (theory) is that I might be the only person in the months or years who has used that computer and my Day Guy probably is disappointed I actually worked around their ploy in this Land of Entrapment we call New Mexico.

More worrisome, he and his chain motel employer may exact some kind of revenge. After all, they set up the Business Center fully intending to keep its usage to the bare minimum. I did notice next day no mouse pad had appeared since my most generous advice. Not exactly proof, but a strong suggestion of truthiness. Next up: how a certain motel has conspired with laptop manufacturers to encourage sales to the laptopless.

Stay tuned. I’m on the case.