All you backyard woodwhackers listen up!!  How many times have you found yourself on the front porch and wished for a scootch more elbow room?  The old frigidaire blocking up the scene as usual?  Major appliances cramping your style?  You need the patent pending, fully warranted South End Extend-a-Porch, the perfect solution for those rainy day socials where the kinfolks are jammed up against the tire-swing waiting for the ice cream to crank solid.

You just pull the E-Z grab handle and out she comes like an accordian Murphy Bed, sets right on blocks, old tires, tree stumps,  whatever’s handy and in seconds the party’s got room to stretch.  Shirt tail relatives recede to the Back 40 in an instant, practically out of hollering distance.  All those family fisticuffs are a thing of the past.  Old Yeller, the family hound won’t have to unkink that broken tail out from under the rocker every 10 minutes.  But he probably will anyway.

You’ll have room for hoseshoes or pin the donkey and still have a corner for the wedding guests.  Need room for a 10 piece fiddle band?  No problem.  The Extend-a-Porch comes in our Double Wide Mobile Home Model.  Has its own roll-on roofing with tires to match the original.  You act now and we’ll throw in radial tires for that roof extension, plus, completely free of charge, our deluxe combination hammock and refrigerator screen.  Out of sight, out of mind.  And you can still use the fridge for storage.

The Extend-a-Porch.  Perfect for the over extended family.  Don’t send Grandma to the Home just because you haven’t got room.  Converts to a mother-in-law unit, a root cellar, an automotive shop.  Hundreds of uses.  Act Today.  1-800-MY-PORCH.  Our operators are standing by.  1-800-MY- PORCH.  You will not find this offer at retail outlets so we cannot be undersold.  Our trained installation experts will have you retro-fitted for that next shirt-tail family reunion in the time it takes to say 1-800-MY-PORCH.  More elbow room at a reasonable price.   1-800-MY-PORCH.  Call NOW!!!

[podcast]https://www.skeeterdaddle.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/audio-south-end-greenworks.mp3[/podcast]audio — south end greenworks

[A Paid Advertisement]

SOUTH END GREENWORKS     Are you one of the countless thousands living with the unnecessary stress of no job prospects, high debt and a limited cable TV plan?  Does the future look so bleak you leave the shades drawn during the daytime?  Now, thanks to breakthroughs in agri-technology, South End Greenworks is offering a blend of St. John’s Wort, nature’s own Prozac, and Happy Daze, a hydroponically grown strain of Maui Wowee.  Medical marijuana isn’t just for nausea at South End Greenworks.  Our research team at the Elger Bay Academy of Advanced Agrinomics tests and retests every blend of indica and sativa to insure quality control and maximum benefits.       Bad marriage hampering your creative output?  Try our Marital Blitz, a high THC bud powerful enough to block most outside stimuli.  Need a little pick me up for that late night party?  South End Greenworks has a nettle indica blend that is guaranteed to keep you alert for hours.  Have long days with boring fellow workers?  You need our SpeedZone, a genetic breakthrough of Panama Red clones with ephedrine derivatives that make even your in-laws seem interesting for hours at a puff.      Whatever your needs South End Greenworks has a solution.  We offer the finest in certified palliatives, organic panaceas and South End sinsemilla.  Our consulting physician, Dr. Hans Fiehlgud, can provide you with all the necessary paperwork to satisfy all state requirements for psychosomatic disabilities.  No appointment is necessary.      We’re open 7 days a week, 9-5 for your shopping convenience.  Our selection is unparalleled and our friendly staff has sampled every strain, usually that very day.  Our motto is No Stone Unturned and we’re conveniently located just south of Tyee Store.  Look for the green neon.  South End Greenworks — giving you back your daze!

[podcast]https://www.skeeterdaddle.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/audio-herbal-pharming.mp3[/podcast]audio — herbal pharming

The winds of change blow strange down here on the psychedelic South End.  Prohibition is coming to a close … once again… and this time it’s cannabis.  Legal pot.  Medical marijuana.  The dispensaries are gearing up down this way and half the population seems to need a doctor’s prescription for everything from Seasonal Affective Disorder to Shaky Bowels in hopes the palliative benefits of sinsemilla will alleviate the pain of living with little money and no jobs.

Course, most of the patients have been self-medicating half their lives.  With the upshot being that we don’t have much money and we don’t have jobs, what some would call a Vicious Cycle, but most of us call Easy Livin.   Nevertheless, change doesn’t come without costs.  There will be, no doubt about it, social upheaval.  Just as there was in the 30’s when alcohol was legal again, the bootleggers and rumrunners will have to adapt or die.  The Law of the Economic Jungle is harsh and many are those South End growers who will either ramp up production to compete with Twin City Food and Drug or they’ll wither on their halides.

Competition, once limited to Two Toke Tom’s bud or some outdoor farmer’s sporadic supplemental crops, is going to be vicious, all the little fish gobbled up through the food chain until the only suppliers will be revamped tobacco companies selling high potency marijuana rolled into menthol filtered doobies cut with 200 chemicals known only to their lab managers and the state of California.  The little dispensaries next to Elger Bay Market and Tyee Store will last about as long as it takes CostCo to run a multi-million dollar intitiative for exclusive distribution rights through their pharmacies.  No doubt cheaper prices.   But you’ll have to  buy bud by the two pack half pound containers with two hash pipes throw in.  Although …. I suspect no one down here will be complaining.

[podcast]https://www.skeeterdaddle.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/audio-liquid-lexicon.mp3[/podcast]audio — liquid lexicon

They say the Eskimoes have 50 words for snow.  Down at the equatorial jungles of the South End we got way more than that describing rain.  We even got words for when it DOESN’T  rain:  Partly Cloudy.  Dripping.  Chance of Showers.

Folks who visit ask does it rain here all the time?  And I say, depends on what kind you mean.  You talking downpour or drizzle?  You referring to sprinkles or showers?  Gullywashers or mist?  Thunderstorms or real heavy drippy fog?  Intermittent or steady?  Rain mixed with sleet?  Rain mixed with snow?  Rain mixed with tears?

I suppose we’re splitting hairs.  It’s all soggy, moody stuff.  People are surprised when we tell em the average rainfall on the South End is less than 25 inches a year.  Rainshadow, I tell em.  Like living under a wide-brimmed hat.  Not exactly dry but it explains why most of us don’t own umbrellas.

Some folks can’t take it.  They pack up the show about November and head for the trailerpark luxury of suburbs springing up in Nevada, New Mexico or Arizona.  Isn’t any word at ALL for liquid precipitation down there.  Rainbirds, we call em on the South End.  Set up in some pleasant desert cul-de-sac and snicker at us mossy coots they left behind under the dripping evergreeens.

Around April or May they’ll come back to air out the mildewed shack.  Won’t be a week before they’re adding to the rich vocabulary we got for wet precipitation.  Mostly four letter ones….