We got a token Republican in the Wednesday night Mabana Poker Club. Billy Bluff, we call him, mostly because he\u2019s a piss poor bluffer. When he\u2019s got a good hand he makes idle small talk. When he\u2019s got a winning hand, he talks politics. Billy might as well send up an LED signboard announcing he drew a straight flush. But in case we missed the Signs, he bets low, hoping to keep the pot filling up until he can bet the maximum at the end, suckering the rest of us into staying with him.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s actually one of the new breed of GOP, meaning he hates the government and wants to stop funding about everything but the military and corporate subsidies. Taxes are too high, unions are ruining profits and killing jobs, drugs are legal, men are marrying men, Obama isn\u2019t a real citizen, all the usual rants with a few more raves completely from Right Field. We don\u2019t mind so long as Billy uses politics to telegraph his hand. Politics are expensive for Billy, but the thinks he\u2019s just unlucky. That, or maybe he suspects we cheat, the cards are marked or the games are rigged. I guess in a way they are.<\/p>\n
The night Billy drew 4 kings in 5 card stud on the first deal, I had 2 pair before the next deal. Billy got going on Secession. Bad sign before we drew a card. \u201cSecession,\u201d he declared, betting the usual fifty cents, see who\u2019d stick, probably all of us. I tossed my half buck in and instead of raising, asked, \u201cThe South End, you mean?\u201d Everyone ante\u2019d up.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou think everything\u2019s about the South End, Skeeter. I\u2019m talkin about Washington state dropping out.\u201d He didn\u2019t ask for a single card from Flat-top Fred who was dealing. Fred shook his head sadly. Real bad sign. Still, you never know, he might be bluffing. I took three cards, Pete took three, Ralph and Walter both took two. Fred dealt himself one. Billy tossed a buck into the pot non-chalantly. \u201cState\u2019s rights, I\u2019m talkin here,\u201d he said, a little too loud, meaning he had a helluva hand. \u201cThe government becomes oppressive, we got the right to leave, that\u2019s what I\u2019m sayin.\u201d<\/p>\n
Pete dumped in his cards right then and there. \u201cYou could always go to Canada, Bill,\u201d Walter said, tossing a dollar. I looked at my new cards, 3 queens over my 2 jacks, full house. Maybe as good or better than Billy\u2019s. Ralph stuck and Flat-top, sitting on a fat flush, raised. Ralph cursed and folded without even waiting for the bid to get back to him. My full house looked good, maybe too good, maybe not enough. \u201cWe already fought the Civil War, Bill,\u201d I said. \u201cYou want slavery back or just lower the minimum wage?\u201d I tossed my money in without raising, not real confident now.<\/p>\n
Billy chuckled and raised us 5, the maximum bid we\u2019d agreed to years ago. \u201cI want my goddamn country back, Skeeter, even if we have to start over.\u201d Flat-top groaned. \u201cYou could go to Quebec, Bill. They want to secede. You\u2019d be in good company if you learn a little French.\u201d He tossed a five in and raised a five. Ten to me. Those queens over jacks were looking weaker and weaker. But it was a full house. And now I was worried about Fred\u2019s hand. \u201cI don\u2019t think they\u2019d let him in, Fred. I got turned back the last try.\u201d I was talking about my little incident with the border guards a couple weeks earlier. I pushed ten bucks into the growing pile, knowing Billy was going to raise us again. Maybe Fred too.
\n\u201cCourse they didn\u2019t want to let YOU in, Skeeter. But I\u2019m not going up to some country that\u2019s more of a welfare state than we are. Get a grip. And get another five bucks out if you want to see this hand.\u201d Fred took another look at his cards. A hard look. His confidence was waning fast as mine. \u201cI hear Quebec is nice in the winter,\u201d he mumbled and called with another five to the pot. I hated to, but I had to see his hand, so my five went in too. \u201cLet\u2019s see what you got, boys, cause I got a full house, queens over jacks.\u201d Fred flipped a flush disgustedly into the chips and swore before taking a long slow miserable swig off his beer.<\/p>\n
Billy laid one king, then another and then the third. He smirked, showed an ace, waited a long while, then dropped the fourth king. \u201cAll I know, children,\u201d he said, \u201cis the rich get richer. Clean livin\u2019s what does it.\u201d He pulled the pot into himself with great satisfaction. The world can sure be cruel when everyone\u2019s lucky. If I\u2019d had a lick of sense, I would\u2019ve seceded a long time earlier.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We got a token Republican in the Wednesday night Mabana Poker Club. Billy Bluff, we call him, mostly because he\u2019s a piss poor bluffer. When he\u2019s got a good hand he makes idle small talk. When he\u2019s got a winning hand, he talks politics. Billy might as well send up an LED signboard announcing he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[6],"tags":[3604,3603],"class_list":["post-14114","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rantings-and-ravings","tag-poker-for-beginners","tag-secession"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14114","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14114"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14114\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14115,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14114\/revisions\/14115"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14114"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14114"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14114"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}