The little park I caretake needs mowing once a week plus a little trail maintenance. Once in awhile I plant some flowers and shrubs which occasionally survive. The phone booth library gets vandalized regularly but lately we seem to be doing okay, books aren\u2019t being burned and the windows haven\u2019t been smashed since the last time when I replaced them with stained glass. I know, it\u2019s only a matter of time. <\/p>\n
You work as a park ranger, you grow a bit cynical, trust me. Dog walkers put their dog\u2019s droppings in a plastic bag then deposit the plastic bag along the trail. I suspect they\u2019re either dumber than the stuff in the bag or they just haven\u2019t got the heart to take the bag home. Either way, I\u2019m going with Option #1. This past year I have a gentleman who courts his girlfriend in the backseat of his car. He has the courtesy of using a condom which I know because he slings the condom out into the parking lot along with the wrapper it came with. Dog shit is one thing, semen in a rubber bag is quite another. For you delicate readers, I apologize, but remember, someone has to clean this stuff up and that someone is more than a little irritated. <\/p>\n
I suppose I could install a surveillance camera and get this fornicator\u2019s car license number, maybe track him down, haul all his used condoms back to him, probably have a nasty confrontation, plenty of cursing and shouting, possibly even something physical. Or I could go to the local sheriff station, the nice new one we built, and ask the deputies to be on the lookout for our Romeo sparking in the park. But \u2026 I was young once myself and short of money for motel trysts. I don\u2019t want to ruin this guy\u2019s evening with a cop tapping on his car window with a heavy flashlight, I just want him to dispose of his trash without resorting to continual littering. Geez, is that a lot to ask?<\/p>\n
I\u2019m thinking of trying this: put up a billboard size sign that reads HEY LOVERBOY!! DON\u2019T THROW YOUR USED CONDOMS ON THE GROUND WHEN YOU\u2019RE DONE! TAKE THEM WITH YOU. OR ELSE! The Park Ranger<\/p>\n
I know. It probably won\u2019t work. If it doesn\u2019t then we go to Plan B. HEY LOVERBOY\u2019S GIRLFRIEND, ASK MR. WONDERFUL TO STOP LITTERING WITH HIS FILTHY CONDOMS WHEN YOU\u2019RE DONE!! THIS IS APPARENTLY YOUR BEDROOM SO KEEP IT CLEAN! Mom.<\/p>\n
Who knows, it might work\u2026.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The little park I caretake needs mowing once a week plus a little trail maintenance. Once in awhile I plant some flowers and shrubs which occasionally survive. The phone booth library gets vandalized regularly but lately we seem to be doing okay, books aren\u2019t being burned and the windows haven\u2019t been smashed since the last […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[6],"tags":[3661,3659,3660],"class_list":["post-14183","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rantings-and-ravings","tag-condom-disposal","tag-midnight-trysts-in-the-park","tag-park-ranger-woes"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14183","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14183"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14183\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14184,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14183\/revisions\/14184"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14183"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14183"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skeeterdaddle.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14183"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}