The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Well, maybe you’re like a lot of folks, feeling sorry for the accused in sexual harassment cases, upset at the screaming banshee women who point their polished glued-on nails at poor defenseless men. Would-be rapists deserve some sympathy too, I’m sure most of us would agree. Us poor men, misunderstood and falsely accused! And while we’re at it, maybe we should take those lying women and charge them with felony slander. Or better yet, take them out and stone them. That should quiet things down PDQ! I hate to take a page from the Taliban playbook, but hey, they stone women who are defiled and maybe now you can understand why. See, we’re not anti-Muslim, that’s just more hysterical snowflake bullshit.

And while we’re at hashtag affiliations, why not #WhiteMen, #AmericanRacists, #MeBullyToo, #PoliceKillers, #MeRussianHackers, #TalibanTerrorists?? These folks have been the innocent targets of the liberal left mob for far too long. Don’t they know who won the damn election? Don’t they get it that they’re in the wilderness now and we men, we white men, are in charge? Wake up and smell the testosterone!

Meanwhile, let’s get Bill Cosby back on the comedy circuit. We could use a few belly laughs in these dark and polarized times. Date rape jokes by Fat Albert, maybe give him a new TV series,after all, he’s America’s Dad. And for godsake, let’s let Weinstein get back to making movies. Haven’t we got bigger fish to fry in this country than victimizing the accused? I think you and I both know we do. And no, I’m not talking about Russian collusion or fraudulent tax returns. I’m talking about draining that swamp in D.C.. Time to investigate Hillary again for Benghazi crimes!!

The time has come for us white males to fight back! If we let every pissed off woman who spurned our advances label us as rapists and attackers, hellfire, there wouldn’t be anyone left to date. Except ugly bitches. And yeah, we need to stop political correctness too, boys. If they’re ugly, what are we supposed to do, put em on the cover of Vanity Fair and Vogue? Next thing you know they’ll want income parity. And OUR jobs. Yup, we need to stop this thing in its tracks before it gets even crazier. We need to rally for our cause. We need #Him Too!!!

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As most of my THC-saturated neighbors here on the South End know, Canada just went green. Marijuana is soon to be legal across the great white north. Little wonder the Trumpster has washed his hands of these hockey loving infidels and put tariffs on them in our ‘national security interests’. They’re a clear and present danger, a hostile, potential invasionary force, a nation of dope huffing, hockey crazed whackos so menacing we probably should build a border wall on our northern flank. The bastards believe in the metric system, for cripesakes, you think that’s not foreign to our American values? Wake up before it’s too late! I don’t want a hockey rink in MY backyard!!

Hopefully this cannabis legalization will serve merely to sedate these Canucks. Eh? But I’m not – and the President certainly isn’t – betting on drugs being the Answer, not when we’ve seen how marijuana has proven to be a gateway drug to liberalism, abortion, anti-gun sentiment and all manner of unspeakable sexual deviance. These tundra dwellers are so stoned right now they can barely negotiate a trade agreement to take the place of NAFTA, what kind of trading partners will they be when the stuff is legal??

Tariffs are only the first phase, believe you me. This Menace must be stopped. If a Wall won’t protect us, we have other options. A First Strike must be kept on the table. Trump should demand Trudeau surrender now. Don’t make us pull the trigger, Canada!! We just want you to be compliant neighbors. Is that so very much to ask? But if you refuse to concede to our demands, no matter how much tar sand oil you promise to deliver to our pipelines, it’s nothing compared to what you’re packing your pipes with. We have drug rehab clinics here that we can provide you. But the first step is to accept you have a Problem. Don’t make you ours.

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My patience has been stretched to beyond a mere breaking point this past week, this last month, these two years of Trumpian excess. The moderate Republicans, those folks who might have put the brakes on their party’s slide toward an American style dictatorship, have abandoned ship. Or been forced out by the dark money of the Kochs and their greed-lust ilk thanks to a Supreme Court decision giving citizenship to corporations and hedge funds. The newest unbiased and fair minded justice who was confirmed a few days ago, pled his case on the fair and balanced Fox News, then blasted the senators who dared stand in the way of his ascent to Judicial Stardom. So much for a Court rising above their ideologies. Say goodbye to our quaint notions of justice being blind.

The President, the self-made billionaire who made his money the hard way, by inheriting the wealth he and his siblings fraudulently manipulated to avoid taxes, claims Kavanaugh an innocent man and his accuser a liar. Yesterday he doubled down and chanted at one of his increasingly common political rallies, Lock Her Up, a fevered charge at Sen. Feinstein for opposing his nominee. These are the Times We Live In Now. The gloves are off, the pigs are at the trough, the rich are up on their hind legs bellowing for more tax breaks, more favors, further subsidies, less regulations, all in the name of Making America Great Again.

And out there in the Heartland, the poor folk are buying this drivel. If the United Nations comes out with an alarm warning that the clock is ticking on doing something to slow down the catastrophe of Global Warming, well, how about we take off regulations on coal fired power plants, how about allowing more E-15 corn gas to be sold, why not remove those requirements to increase gas mileage on autos and trucks, let’s support a pipeline to run sand tar oil down to the Gulf, why not drill in the Arctic, it’s all a hoax and lies by the left wingers and the media, all those enemies of the State. You know, the State they hate. Big Government. They don’t trust it and they don’t like it. They don’t like immigrants and they don’t like dark skinned anybody. They’re white and they’re hetero and they’re scared and they’re pissed. They feel cheated and they see a hard future ahead so apparently they’re willing to throw the dice on a morally bereft huckster who fans their flames. If you ever wondered how Germany picked a Fuhrer or Italy chose El Duce, turn on Fox News for a day or three, listen to Rush Limbaugh for an hour or two, follow Breitbart awhile.

And be afraid. We’re Making America something, all right, but if this is what great looks like, you need to be a hedgefund manager.

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My hotel here in Salty Lake City is what I’d call, well, sketchy. Maybe it was the twelve paramedics hitting the lobby door 30 seconds after me for an overdose victim that was Clue #1. The guy in line in front of me looked like he would be Clue or Victim #2 and when the desk clerk asked if he had a reservation, he said ‘yeah’ after a lot of thought, but no, he really didn’t and finally he shuffled off. When I got my car parked in front of my room, he and his deadbeat pals were there too, motor running on a beater with temporary license plates.

My room is spacious, two queen beds and two leaks from the flat roofed ceiling where water is running through. Do not think for a minute I would call down and ask for another room that is dry — I’m not that fussy. If I were, I’d have stayed downtown, not here in the DMZ. I’m here to pitch an art project proposal for three state liquor stores in a state notoriously anti-bibulous and pro-biblical. It’s low budget and I’m going low too.

The mizzus asks why I stay in these fleabag flophouses. They’re just places to sleep, I answer. In Japan you can rent a box with a thin mattress — forget the TV and the alarm clock and the crappy print on the wall faded from years of sunlight and dust. And I bet they don’t have water leaking in … unless the guy in the box above is incontinent.

I’ve stayed in worse, just so you don’t think I’m complaining. Once in Hayward, California, two dozen squad cars pulled up and busted down the door of the guy next to me. I was on the floor in case the bullets started to fly. They didn’t. The suspect went peacefully in handcuffs. My favorite was the gentleman in the room next to me who explained without much prompting he’d kill my dog if it messed with his dog and then he’d kill me. Always good to be forewarned, I guess. My dog, Dr. Gonzo, unbeknownst to him, would probably have killed them both. But as you may know, I’m a peaceful man. We all did okay, although I’m guessing by now I’m the last one standing.

Right now there’s a pounding on the door adjacent to mine, kind of insistent and even a tad angry. You’ll have to excuse me, I think I better check this out. Might be something urgent. Stay tuned….

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I’m going to confess, right at the outset, that I am not a woman. Most of the time anyway. So maybe I haven’t got the right to weigh in on these Kavanaugh confirmation hearings. And maybe I’m out of line to criticize the President for mocking Christine Blasey Ford at his rallies where the crowd, the same crowd he hollered Lock Her Up Lock Her UP, offered up thunderous support. Dr. Ford was victimized again but maybe I’m not the best person to come to her defense. Or any of the millions of others who were basically assaulted by this bully president.

A lot of the folks at those rallies, I noticed, were women. Well, white women. Okay, they’re entitled to their own opinions and just because Dr. Ford was of their gender doesn’t mean they have to believe her or her accusations. I get that. But it’s seriously troubling to witness them give full throated mockery to her and yeah, I know, I’m a guy so I might consider stepping back on this issue, let the survivors of sexual assaults fight this fight. Pretty obviously they’re on their own. They won’t get any help from this Congress and it looks like, today anyway, they won’t get any from the Supreme Court for years, if not decades, to come. In other words the full weight of the United States government, its constitution, its laws, they’re all bearing down on any woman who dares to accuse her attacker. Obviously America won’t believe her.

And of course I believe everyone should be presumed innocent until proven guilty. Yah, maybe I’m troubled that the FBI investigation was curtailed and obviously circumscribed. You can’t prove someone guilty if you can’t do a proper investigation, but hey, these hearings needed to be expedited apparently and if a thorough investigation would have taken longer, sorry, time’s up. I could argue that this wasn’t a criminal trial and guilt or innocence wasn’t really the goal, that character and veracity were what was on trial. In the end the only thing on trial was Dr. Ford. And of course the senators themselves who brought a criminal prosecutor in as stand-ins for themselves rather than risk seeming, oh, accidentally misogynistic. She put out a report that Ms. Ford’s accusations wouldn’t rise to the level of criminal charges. Of course Ford wasn’t seeking criminal redress. And supposedly this wasn’t a courtroom. Even if the Republicans did bring in a prosecutor.

I know, I’m a guy. Not my fight. Not my place. And today it feels like it’s not my country. If I were a woman, I’d absolutely know it’s not.

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