Prayers for My New Jet
Televangelist Jesse Duplantis is asking his followers for some donations to help him buy his fourth jet. $54 million, to be exact. The old jets, well, they can’t reach the far corners of the globe without refueling and that takes time and time means Lost Souls. He’s doing the Lord’s work and the Lord wants him to have that jet.
As a newly ordained minister, I’m driving down to Oakland to marry my friends who needed a man of the cloth to officiate. Probably have to drive my old pickup, who knows if I’ll make it without a breakdown. You readers out there will certainly understand if I call out to you for some tithing to old Revered Skeeter, a few pesos to help him purchase a small turbo prop to get me to the church on time. Nothing extravagant. Oakland’s not that far. When the demand for gay marriage officiating gets hot and the need to reach Fiji or Hawaii or the Bahamas or the Canaries means I’ll need something non-stop to tend to the flock, I’ll come back with further requests.
Prosperity preaching, the quaint notion that God rewards the successful. The more you got, the more God must love you. A $54 million dollar Falcon 7X luxury jet with a global range, well, God might just be thinking of making you a disciple of his Son ever comes back to lay waste to the earth. If you’re poor and haven’t got a pot to piss in, well, maybe you need to try a little harder, eh? A good start would be a small (or large) donation to my turbo prop. Might even be able to buy one of Jesse’s old jets before my Oakland gig. Later we can trade it in for an upgrade.
But wait! If you act now, Skeeter Ministries will send you an autographed Jesus bobble head that velcros right to your dashboard, a constant affirmation of the Lord’s approval while you drive your used car, the one that with a few more donations should shortly become your New car. Act now, Heaven is yours for the asking.
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Tags: Jet for Jesus, Prosperity Preacher