black friday terrorism
It’s Black Friday today. Unless you’re living in a cave on a remote mountain in a country you don’t know the name of, today is officially SHOPPING DAY. Big sales, big stores, big news. A lot of stores opened at midnight for folks waddling away from Turkey dinners only hours ago who join their fellow consumers in the long lines at ToysRUs or Sears or WalMart. You snooze after the Thanksgiving pie, you definitely lose.
It’s early afternoon here at blackblogcentral, a bunker deep in the Midwest heartland miles away from the closest mall now under siege. Already news flashes are lighting up the War Room screens, mostly happy reports from giggling retailers, but one troubling crawler reported that at a San Fernando WalMart a woman sprayed fellow shoppers with pepper spray in order to get to one of a limited number of X-boxes.
In light of the recent rash of unprovoked spraying of Occupy protesters, this may be a new trend. Force Shopping. While I don’t condone it — pepper spraying, I mean, not mass shopping, which I certainly do not approve of — I can appreciate the tactic under these martial conditions. Let’s be honest, sale shopping is war. People are trampled, crushed, elbowed and knocked down. A modern consumer should be more armed than just carrying a hefty handbag or wielding a massive shopping cart. Guerilla tactics, trench hand-to-hand, diversionary incendiaries and high decibel sound immobilizers: these are the insurrectionist sale shopping strategies of the future.
Let the media wring its uncalloused, pampered hands all it wants, this is only the first salvo. Mortality rates will soar as profits are maximized. Sales will start before Thanksgiving Day dinners, families will divide between the armchair quarterbacks and their mallwife warriors. Blood and cranberries will be spilled. That, I humbly suggest, is the true price of Christmas. This year, stuff your stocking with tear gas canisters. Santa doesn’t give a damn who’s naughty and nice — he wants a winner.
Hits: 83
Recently I saw a fine routine by the most brilliant George Carlin. It is one of his past DVDs..
I thought as I read your post that he would actually be spinning all kinds of words about the goings on of Black Friday….disgusting..another evidence of the depths of consumerism and all its ills..complete with pepper spray.
As long as the line to buy art continues–oh wait, there is no line.
Think of art as pepper spray…..