naming rights
Now that the Sinsemilla Tsunami is rolling across the Land of the Free, Home of the Bud, some of the defenders of American Values are banning the legalization of medical marijuana. Towns from Mt. Vernon to Everett are debating the pros and cons, weighing the consequences and scrutinizing consciences. Even Smokey Point, with its perfect name for cannabis fame is balking at allowing doobie dispensaries.
Down on the green shores of the South End of Cannabis Island, we have no qualms about serving the medicinal needs of the area. After all, we’ve risked arrest and public censure doing exactly that for 50 years. We don’t like to brag, but hellfire, our pharmers, both indoors and outdoors, have provided psychic relief to the chronically unemployed, the seasonally insane and most of the serious artists of the area.
Decades of hydroponic experimentation, lighting strategies, agri-chemical balancing models, forced budding techniques, nettle cross-feritilization genetics and spiritual incantations have made South End Sinsemilla the envy of the cannabis connoisseur. From ‘One Toke Smoke’ to the ‘Green Blitz’, our varietal selections provide a complete range of pharmaceutical panacea for all your medical needs in every price category. Marital problems — try Marital Blitz. Constipation — take a couple tokes of Canna-Colonic. Insomnia — one puff of Sinsemilla Insensate should do the trick. Employment Anxiety — Welfare Wowee.
The South End Economic Development Council is fully on board with the idea that we can be the region’s Medical Miracle Mile, a lifeline to Nirvana and an emotional booster for the entire Puget Sound Basin. We’re here to offer our euphoric expertise and our agricultural acumen. Profits are merely a byproduct, of course. But hey, Smokey Point, if you aren’t going to capitalize on that name, we’d be interested in purchasing the rights. Save you any future embarrassment, if nothing else. We’re here to help.
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