new age medicine
Down at the forward thinking South End, we were New Age before it became Old Hat. Herbal remedies? You bet! Nettle-opathy has been practiced in the hollows here since old Ma Wexler applied a poultice of the fresh stingers to her Erectile Dysfunctional husband’s non-working parts and boy howdy, things livelied up at the Wexler homestead after that, let me tell you.
Nettle-opathy is a country cross between acupuncture and herbal cure-all. Apply a few fresh spring leaves to the correct chakra, you can cure everything from shyness to arthritis, halsitosis to insomnia, hair loss to memory loss, seasonal affective disorder to major depression. You won’t have time to think of much else other than that panacea tickling your chakra.
We’ve been brewing medicinal nettle tonics about since Prohibition forced us to seek alternative medicines. We got hefe-nettle, nettle stouts, IPA’s, nettle bock, all available in a handy 12 oz. dosage.
Aromatherapy? Sure. We got everything from burn barrel poly-blend to chimney cedar to compost leaf mulch/food scrap. A few minutes of olfactory stimulation, you’ll forget most of those insignificant cares and woes that nag your good mood all day long.
Hypnotherapy. You want a spell put on you, just wander down to the South End Hotel and belly up to the bar, listen for awhile to the whoppers these old time fishermen spin over a few bottle bass. You’ll be buying Penn reels and downrigger gear and a boat and motor too — you’ll be broke but if fishing doesn’t cure what ails ya, god help you.
In all honesty — full disclosure here — this New Age stuff, old to us, is really mostly a placebo. But then, isn’t that the New Medicine now? And really, who cares so long as it works. Not our fault the South End itself is really why we live longer, smile more, work less and basically just have most of the answers to life’s tough riddles. Placebo? You bet.
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