Hetero Home Sales
My neighbor not very far up the road lives at the end of an unpaved road, really a long driveway with two other houses before his and his partner’s. Two women own the house on the right as you come in and a couple planning to move are selling the hacienda on the left. So what we got here for sale is a short dirt road way down the island, no view, a remote backwash, an old double-wide trailer, asking just shy of a half million dollars, maybe you guessed, hard to sell.
My buddy tells me the seller, the would-be seller, wants him to ask the two ladies across from his Windy Rear real estate sign if they would take down their fairly large weathered gay pride rainbow flag they’ve displayed for long enough that the rainbow looks bleached. “What’s our thinking here,” I asked Clyde, “ he doesn’t like gays?”
I probably ought to mention Clyde and his partner, Will, are gay too, they just don’t fly flags to advertise that fact to us hetero locals. “No,” Clyde told me, “he’s just worried having lesbian neighbors will scare off potential buyers.” Probably a fact not required by state law to disclose to prospective buyers along with termite damage, leaky roofs, cracked foundations and non-white neighbors, just another example of woke politics at work in our blue Washington State.
Clyde says he’s just trying to sell and move on, no homophobia, strictly straight forward, small pun intended. “Why doesn’t he just ask the women himself? Why bring you into it?”
Clyde just shrugs, hell if he knows, but now he’s wondering what to do and god only knows why he’s asking me, the Sage of the South End, for advice. Desperation, at the least, demanded a second beer. Finally, fully acquainted with the facts and only slightly inebriated, I offered counsel.
“Put a rainbow flag at your place too,” I said. “And rename your street. Plum Tree Lane, uh-uh. Queer Avenue, maybe. Better yet, Gay Way. Ecstasy Estates or LGBTQ+ Heights. Lesbian Lane. It’s a new day on the South End, Clyde. Tell your neighbor he needs a new realtor, one who’ll advertise to the gays.”
So far it looks like Clyde isn’t taking my advice. Still Plum Tree Lane. And the place is still unsold. I know, I should have been a realtor.
Tags: Gay Pride Realty, Lesbian Lane, Selling to the Gays