The Friendly Skies
Yup, I’m flying cross country again. Always an adventure! You think you’ve heard every excuse for flight delays, you underestimate the airlines. I’m waiting in Minneapolis/St. Paul because, you ready?, the stewardess spilled hot coffee on herself, burning herself so badly she’s incapacitated. They’re looking for a spare stewardess right now. The last flight the pilot apologized for not having Wi-Fi. Seems the plane was brand new and they didn’t install it yet. I guess they like to break a plane in first, get the coffee spills out of the way.
It’s two hours later…. Evidently they couldn’t hire and train a stewardess on such short notice. Plus there’s the scorched coffee lawsuits to consider. We were herded down an eighth of a mile for new seat assignments on the next and last flight out ‘for most of us’ on a flight four hours from now at the other end of the terminal. Course we got plenty of time for that marathon walk. I plan to hike it 4 or 5 times. The guy in front of me really wanted his first class again, but hey, that’s evidently beyond a computer’s meager capacity so we’re in Random Shuffle. The lady next to me wanted a food voucher. Ho ho. She thought these were still the ‘friendly skies’ of yesteryear. I was the only yahoo they needed to see ID from, maybe see if my temper snapped, make room for those poor saps who weren’t getting out tonight.
Those who say government couldn’t run anything but into the ground, tell someone else. I haven’t made a flawless trip by airplane in years. Maybe I’m just unlucky and you’ve got tales of efficient monopolies running like well-oiled machines, lower costs and improved services, happy travels and complementary dinners, competitive pricing and roomy seating, convenient schedules and direct flights, plenty of overhead baggage room and free luggage once again. But … I seriously doubt it. Santa is dead, the Easter Bunny’s a drunk and the airlines don’t answer to anyone but their shareholders … who no doubt fly in private jets.
Hits: 63