Popsickle, no, Momsickle Toes
You maybe haven’t heard the news yet — Colton Harris Moore, our very own Barefoot Bandit — started a jailhouse fundraiser for saving his mom who has terminal cancer. He’s concerned he won’t be released from prison in time to see her one last reunion, his dear old mom, the woman who made him what he is today. She always said he was smarter than Einstein and now he’s hit on an ingenious solution to what might seem to us ordinary folks, an unsolvable problem.
He wants to freeze her. Something a lot of us wanted to do a long time ago. But with the fervent hope that the magic of cryogenics would allow her to remain in suspended animation until we figure out how to bring her back to her vivacious self down the road. I hate to sound cynical or mean spirited toward a woman dying of lung cancer, and at the risk of appearing un-Christian, I just think maybe we should let Pam go quietly to her reward in the afterlife. Even if flash frozen humans became a possibility.
I can think of a few more eligible candidates for reanimation after death than Colt’s mom. And trust me, I’m not one of them. Some of us South Enders, more skeptical even than myself, think the Barefoot Burglar is really after the money he might raise. Well, I tried, Mom, but it wasn’t quite enough for 50 years of freezer burn storage, and so I used the donations to go to Harvard to get my degree in aviation technology. Personally, I kind of like that scenario. Not enough to donate money to the fund, but maybe the internet followers of Colton’s daring exploits would throw some coinage his way. Why not? The Kid was the first hero of the internet, a 21st century Jesse James.
If you, like me, aren’t anxious to help out with some spare change, I totally understand. But maybe here on the South End, the Kid’s stomping ground and lair, someone will step forward with at least a Frigidaire they aren’t using. Mine is sort of full.