King Tut’s Outer Space Dagger
Just when all those kooks who call in to late night radio talk shows about alien invasions and spacemen abductions were feeling maybe they should see a psychiatrist for their ‘condition’ in the face of a paucity of proofs for their unorthodox beliefs, along comes the latest revelation from the Egyptologists noodling endlessly with Tut, the boy king, and all the toys his minion priests buried with him. Today it was revealed that his dagger — a basic iron knife, not gold, not silver, iron! — was made from a meteorite. I suppose you and I and the scientists might conclude this dagger was made from a meteor that landed near Cairo. But I can assure you the late night alien hunters won’t.
No, they’ll know with a certainty as large as Bigfoot’s Butt this dagger came from outer space. Hell, they may even figure Tut himself came from the same place as the dagger, why not? Probably explain how the Egyptians were able to move hundred ton stones into pyramids, just hit them with the anti-gravity beam and drop them lightly into place, couldn’t be easier … if you’re an advanced alien culture. If you’re maybe troubled by the timeline here, don’t be. They got time travel down too.
We live in a world where fantasy and fiction are more than slightly blurred, maybe even sleeping together. I guess we could blame the internet or Rush Limbaugh or bad TV, but it’s probably not going to help. We’ve been disappointed in facts, bored with the real world and skeptical of science so now we’ve turned to snake oils, diet supplements and late night advertising deals. Call now and you’ll receive another Donald Trump, just pay shipping and handling. If you’re not satisfied, just send them back and we’ll refund your money. What we do about your gullibility, well, wait until tomorrow night. Yours, for only 19.95, the fabulous meteorite knife!! Slices dices and never dulls. Chops vegetables, saws lumber, moves slabs of stone. But wait! If you order now we’ll send you not one, not two, but three Tut daggers for the unbelievable price of 19.95. Just pay shipping and handling from our warehouse in the Milky Way.
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Geez Jack, you made that Kryptonite Space Dagger sound pretty handy to have around the kitchen, garage, and garden shed. But I noticed there’s no phone number listed. You wouldn’t happen to have one that’s toll free at their warehouse in the Milky Way? I don’t want to take a chance on those long distance charges.