Fishing in the Living Room
The rains of September came last night ending the long drought of summer, a welcome relief for our parched plants. Course, when I got up I discovered new leaks in the old roof. Leaks are nothing new for most of us in these monsoonal regions, but nevertheless, they’re as welcome as a shingles attack. And as hard to get rid of.
You can see where the drips come into the house okay, but finding their original source, that’s entirely another matter altogether. Water zigs, water zags, but it rarely comes straight down from the hole in the roof to the place you see it dripping onto the floor. Leaks are mysterioso, enigmatic, almost supernatural — which is to say they are outside the purview of observable science. They might leak one drizzly day and not a drop on a wild windstorm, what we South Enders call paranormal. Although, really, seems normal to me.
The old shack had a leak I spent years trying to fix. I figured it came through some flashing by the dormer so I slapped enough tar on that valley to build a two lane blacktop to Elger Bay Store. But to no avail. I tore off shingles and put in new flashing. Still leaked. I bought more tar. I doubled the flashing. Every rain my little creek ran like a dagger across the front porch floor. I half expected salmon to return every year to spawn in the living room.
The mizzus got real weary of buckets in the room, but she was gracious enough not to nag an old roofer. Finally I built the roof up a full foot and a half to eliminate the valley, the flashing and hopefully the eternal leak. It worked!
Well, it worked for a few years. Now I got the buckets back in and the Department of Natural Resources wants me to widen my ditch to create better access for salmon trying to return. At least I plan to eat well, plenty of salmon barbecues, but I’m not sure I’ll buy a license.
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Ha. We invoked your name today as Frank grumbled and ranted and grumbled some more trying to deal with our recent loss of hot water pressure in both the bathroom and the kitchen. He had some success but then discovered he had created an entirely new leak. That’s when I suggested he give you a call to commiserate if nothing else.
Good luck with the roof.