The April Fooler
April Fool’s Day came on Inauguration Day this year and now with every day’s events sprung on us citizens, we’re barraged by the unbelievable, the inside out and upside down, by faux news and ‘lying’ media. Naturally, the one day set aside as a national holiday for the absurd was canceled. In an executive order tweeted at 3 A.M. from the West Wing, President Trump (no joke!) announced April 1st would no longer be a day to mislead the gullible and those with atrophied funny bones.
As a possible substitution he suggested Paul Ryan introduce a bill to the House of Representatives making the day officially Shoot A Liberal Day. “Only kidding!” he tweeted. “Ha ha. But GREAT idea!!” The National Institute of Funny Bone Reconstruction immediately issued a protest to the White House counsel demanding that 364 days of the calendar year be restored to truth telling, not alternate facts, in order to repair the badly damaged national sense of humor.
Anxiety has spread across the land, the NIFBR argued. “Reality, no longer fact based, has eroded to the point where the average citizen feels like Alice in Wonderland, wandering a topsy-turvy minefield of impossible juxtapositions. What was up is down, what was inside is out, what seemed true is now lies. If everything is true, nothing is true,” the Institute wrote in their brief. “We are experiencing national insanity as a result of endless April Fool’s Days. Restore the holiday, Mr. President!”
Mr. Trump tweeted: “Never heard of the Funny Boners. Liberal Losers?? They should thank me. Every day is unbelievable! So hilarious!”
At least for now April Fool’s Day is officially rescinded as a national holiday. Press Spokesperson Kellyanne Conway stated emphatically later that morning that this was not what the President meant. When asked for clarification, she said he meant exactly what he said, not what you thought he said. “It’s not my job,” she added, “to interpretate.”
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