The War on Easter
Cadbury, the two centuries old chocolatier from Merry Olde, recently dropped its chocolate eggs from their assembly lines. Of course the ever vigilant right wing holier-than-me devotees of all things religiously correct — but NOT politically correct, no siree — screamed bloody murder. War on Easter, they cried, as if chocolate eggs are referenced repeatedly in the New Testament. In fact, when did the Easter bunny and the egg hunts get edited out of King James? I sure don’t remember them any more than I remember Santa getting a mention.
Poor Cadbury. If anyone wanted to scream, it might be us folks who get sick and tired of monetizing religious holidays. Pepsi just pulled its clever little ad with one of the Kardashian kids offering up a 12 oz. peace offering to a riot cop during a political demonstration. One sip, baby, and it’s peace on earth. Black Lives Matter, but hey, so do corporate profits. Why can’t we just all get along?
I know we’re a polarized nation these days. We don’t know our facts from a hole in the ground and apparently that’s just hunky dory with half of us. We’re a faith based country now. Proofs? We don’t need no stinking proofs. Proofs are for scientists and since we don’t trust science any longer, why try to ram a bunch of gobbledygook down our throats? We’re going to believe what we want, thanks, but no thanks to your theorems and your spurious data. And you know what, maybe Pepsi is a panacea for the world’s ills, screw those politicians who want to put a sugar tax on it.
Cadbury better wake up, is what I think. The Lord maketh rabbits and the Lord maketh eggs and the Bible mentions somewhere, maybe in coded reference or in some yet to be discovered Lost Sea Scroll, that rabbit eggs are meant to be taken as sacraments. At least if they’re chocolate covered. You blaspheme this at your peril, Cadboyz, but maybe, here’s an idea, offer your critics a Pepsi.
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Tags: cadbury, chocolate easter eggs, pepsi ads, political correctness, war on easter
I heard… but I can’t remember where, probably Facebook, or Twitter, that Cadbury sold all of our God given chocolate Easter eggs to the Muslims!!! Or maybe it was the Chinese!!! But some godless foreigners anyway!!! It makes me sick to think of them eating our holy eggs merely for the sweet, rich, creamy filling inside, covered with a smooth milk chocolate coating, with absolutely no respect for their religious significance.
This is worse than war. Easter without Cadbury Eggs is a living hell on earth.
It was the godless Muslims. They beheaded the chocolate Easter bunnies too. Sad!