Faux Science on the Flat Earth
Earth Day is coming and scientists around the world are planning to hit the streets to advocate for their profession in the face of pervasive distrust and outright hostility by our latter day Flatlanders toward Science, capital S. I don’t know if these are the same yahoos who think most news is faux news because they read it in the National Enquirer or on Breitbart, but I suspect they’re the ones who think science is a con job, perpetrated for political ends.
Global warming? They don’t buy it, not when 99% of scientists think it’s real. Just a scam to take away those coal jobs. Evolution? Oh right, then how did bats grow wings? And why would I think a monkey is anything like me, even if we have one in the White House? No, science is for suckers. Those white lab guyz just want the grant money and would say anything to get it. Plus, all our friends on Facebook don’t believe it either. Take a poll, see for yourself. Let’s vote on global warming, see how many Likes and then decide if it’s true or not. You know, if you could trust the vote count.
It’s all rigged. Everything, the news, the election, the so-called scientific studies, all dog poo. Science? You got a bunch of eggheads making up little experiments, then juggling the data and voila, there’s a theory. We’re supposed to believe it? And so what if another bunch of PhD’s duplicates the results? That’s supposed to be proof? Proof is for the hopelessly terminal gullible.
Technology was supposed to bring us progress and yeah, we all got smart phones now and internet anywhere we go. But the world has gotten ahead of us here, it’s complicated and getting more complicated and how in the hell can we keep up? By googling up everything? Okay, try googling Amorphous Anxiety, see if that’s going to tell us how to learn to live with the advances that come faster and faster. Global warming? Try global information overload. Nobody understands half of what we got in the house or the car or the office anymore. It’s like we’re moving into an alien world, a future world where we’re falling farther behind than the damn monkeys. Oh sure, the scientists say they understand it all. But you know, and I do too, they’re lying.
Those coal jobs are coming back and maybe we should all put our applications in. Down in the mine things are a whole lot simpler. Can you spell BLACK LUNG?
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Tags: black lung disease, coal jobs, darwin's monkey uncle, flatlanders
Here’s my theory.
It’s not global warming.
It’s exoplanet terraforming warming. And we’re the exoplanet.
The aliens who landed in Roswell, NM picked the location because it’s generally warm in the desert southwest, the way they like it. Not warm enough though, and they shivered to death. Before being unceremoniously carted off on the back of an Army flatbed they managed to transmit a message back to their balmy home planet, and since 1948 their fellow citizens have subliminally encouraged earthlings, through commercials, to run like hamsters in a spinning wheel and purchase everything placed in front of us, which creates an out sized manufacturing and transportation carbon footprint, heating the planet until earth reaches the red zone temperature our new exoplanet overlords prefer. By the time they arrive en masse, the remaining humans will have hunkered down into a controllable number of centralized air conditioned buildings. Then the new arrivals can unpack and decide, do we keep the human ant farms for entertainment, or pull the plug?
MSNBC: Welcome to Planet Toast.
Fox News: Who doesn’t like toast?
We passed by a huge chunk of fenced off security perimeters near, appropriately enuff, Craters of the Moon. Off in the distance was a large cluster of buildings shimmering in the heat waves. Good bet these are your extraterrestrials. They’ve already put one of their own into the White House and now they’re skulking around the deserts making plans. My theory, maybe a corollary of yours, is that their scheme is to beat us down with the Clown Prince to the point we will welcome ANY intervention, even one from another planet.