The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

You got to love the NRA. In the wake of another mass killing they roll right into the Conservative Political Action Conference, which they sponsor oddly enough, and accuse the folks who want to maybe do something about mass killings of exploiting the tragedy. Now, I love blaming the victims as much as the next whacko, but this time it feels a little like they are protesting, methinks, too much. When the kids who survived the shootings last week began to knock on legislator’s doors and organized rallies, the conspiracy theorists hit their Facebook sites with accusations that they were paid actors. Nothing is really too insane or too low for these folks. Pretty nearly all the lawmakers were in conferences and unavailable for meetings. Welcome to Democracy, kids!

Wayne (Give me a Gun or Give me Death) La Pierre, the front of the barrel of the National Rifle Association, accuses Democrats of a liberal agenda to destroy all our rights. Ban a bumpstock to make a semi-automatic rifle into a machine gun, well, that’s an equivalency of the government busting in private citizen’s doors for speaking their minds. They want to terminate with extreme prejudice their God given right to carry a firearm, their 2nd amendment rights and then it’s just a nano second away from all the Bill of Rights being taken too. The answer, says Wayne, is to arm the schools’ teachers, teach them how to use a Colt .45 Peacekeeper, give them concealed weapon permits and let them gun down any would-be bad hombres. Works in the movies!

A legislator in our area, not saying he gets money from the NRA lobby, fumed yesterday that more mass killings are done with knives than guns. He used a fictional account of a Norwegian slaughter of schoolkids by blade. Why not be more creative? Grenade murders or slaughter with swords. Murder by pesticides. Killings with trained rats. C’mon, man, if you’re going to lie outright, why not make it a doozie? And yeah, we elected this idiot.

The kids are asking the question we all should’ve been asking all along. How much is the NRA PAYING you??!! What amount of money did it take to buy you off? What are you going to do to make our school and this country safer? Or as one kid vowed, ‘I can’t vote right now, but when I can, I’m voting YOU out!’

Kid, I’m with you.

I hate a smarty pants as much as the next dumb guy. You know the type, climate scientists, Middle East experts, folks who collect data on everything from global temperatures to gunshot deaths. Who needs em? The world is tough enough without complicating it up with facts and statistics.

That’s why we got the Right Man in the White House. Facts? He don’t need no stinking facts. In fact, he doesn’t believe facts are facts. Doesn’t have to, he’s President and the rest of you are the lying media and the left wingers and those stuffy Ivy League college snobs. You want a Harvard professor for a neighbor? Correcting your bad grammar? Showing off with his command of the, ho ho, facts? Didn’t think you did. I sure don’t. Jeez, give me a guy who I can drink a beer with while we look under the hood of his vintage Chevy trying to figure out why it won’t start.

I just read today that the Commander-in-Chief has stopped reading the daily briefing reports, all that hokum the State Department and the military brass and the economic councils throw together and condense down for the President to read every damn morning. Like he doesn’t have something better to do. Fox and Friends, just to name a few. Get all he needs right there, you ask me. And if you don’t believe me, go ask him. Daily briefings? C’mon, that’s why he has advisors. And cabinet members. Experts in their fields.

Okay, they’re not experts, but hey, that’s my whole point. We’re sick and tired of these college trained, east coast, liberal smartasses. That’s why we got Rick Perry running Energy and DeVoss running Education and old Doc Carson running Housing. Tillerson runs the State Department. You think he knew anything about State Department crap? They can reinvent these departments. Move em into the 21st Century. Get rid of the pointy headed hombres who’ve been there practically since 1776. Deep State. Gonna make it shallower, that’s the whole point. Get rid of em altogether, be okay with me and Donald.

All you crybaby losers who said America would go to hell faster than you can say Woman Abuser, wake up! The economy’s doing gangbusters, unemployment is way low, the corporations are going to have a banner year. You want someone to read those daily briefings, be my guest. The rest of us have better things to do. Me, I’m going over to Roy’s next door, see what’s under the hood for problems today, maybe have a beer or three. You let me know if anything Real Important shows up.

Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammo

Seventeen dead in Florida this week. Just a routine slaughter in the Home of the Brave, Land of the Free. These mass murders come so regular now it’s hard to keep up with them. The President comes down and offers condolences then blames the FBI for being too busy trying to prove Russian collusion to stop the mayhem. The Senators offer prayers. Marco Rubio, Senator for Florida, got 3.3 million dollars from the National Rifle Association to keep his comments confined to prayers for the dead, nothing they could have done to prevent these tragedies. The Congressmen wring their hands and they all say we need to do something about mental illness. But they have offered up a budget to cut funding for exactly that. Trust me, someone here is mentally ill.

48% of guns in private hands in the world, the entire world, are in American hands. It is, according to those who receive campaign contributions from the almighty NRA, a God-given right, nothing short of the right to breathe. So what if you’re mentally ill, if you’re on the no-fly terrorist list, if you have a history of violence? You have a right to a gun. Or fifty. You might have to pass a test to drive a car; after all, it’s a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands. But a gun, not a problem. You might not be legally entitled to drink a beer at 18 but you can buy an assault rifle.

After the Las Vegas massacre there was some talk of banning bump-stocks, those neat after-market add-ons that could turn your semi-automatic weapon into a fully functioning automatic machine gun. You heard anything more of any bill that might ban those? No? Well, maybe you never heard, money talks, bullshit walks and the NRA has more money to buy off legislators than anybody else. You want to vote against anything that has to do with guns, you better want a job in the private sector.

The Sec. of Education wants to put guns in the hands of the school teachers. More guns, that’s the answer. And the power of prayer. Gloria Copeland, a member of Donald Trump’s spiritual advisory council, suggests prayer over vaccines to prevent the flu. I know what you’re asking: Donald has a spiritual advisor???? Me, I thought Stormy Daniels was maybe that advisor.

These are tough times for the Righteous Right. 17 dead and mostly kids. Versus a bucket of money from the NRA. My prayers are certainly with the victims. But my vote is going to anyone who has more sense than God gave to a turnip. Can I hear an amen to that?