The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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On the plague-ridden South End these days, the psychosomatics among us can find any number of alternative treatment centers. In addition to the New Age Naturopathic, the Mabana Chiro-Clinic and the Elger Bay Store Supplement aisle, the aggrieved can find remedy at Kristy’s Aroma Cure walk-in (no appointment necessary) or the AA Acupuncture. Wanda’s Massage and Shirley’s Hypno-Therapy advertise treatments ranging from stress to erectile dysfunction. The wonder of it all is that maladies still exist down here, so prevalent are the preventions. And we’re not even counting in the therapeutics of the Pilot Lounge and its 4-6 Happy Hour specials. Much less the Kannabis Klinik’s marijuana line of edibles and smokeables.

Essentially and factually we have plenty for what ails ya! So why is it, even with all these panaceas, there are still South Enders struggling with depression, pain, halsitosis, divorce, joblessness and any other manner of impediments to mental health, physical well-being and, quite frankly a 4 lane highway to spiritual enlightenment? I mean, what else can we offer these suffering neighbors? More Obamacare? Medicaid coupon sales? A new religion? New and improved pharmacology? A bus ticket to Tucson for the winter’s seasonally afflicted?

Honest to Zeus we’ve got more medical solutions than Carter had liver pills, you need a Snake Oil Outlet too? Madame Petrovsky has psychic readings in the old Tyee Grocery Store, might be time to consult her crystal ball or have her read your palm. Last time I did — and don’t assume I needed psychic treatment — she informed me solemnly that I had enemies, apparently people who wished me harm. She asked if I knew this and I said, well, not really, I mean sure, maybe a few. She asked if I understood this prevented any success at happiness for me. I said I’m pretty happy, Madame Petrovsky, but she assured me I would never attain True Happiness with these ill-wishers dragging my karma downward and would I like her to light some candles at her church, only $10 each, eventually I’d ditch these enemies, might take awhile. When I balked at the potential for innumerable candle purifications, she dropped the price to $5 a candle.

Judging by the nasty replies to some of these Skeeter blogs, I don’t necessarily recommend Madame P if other treatments don’t work for you. Even with her discounted prices. Obviously a few months of burning candles didn’t eliminate my enemy list.

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