The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

These are polarized times, as you readers of the Cracker undoubtedly know, enough so that the Editor is forever nervous about what grenade this Moonshine Wisdom and Wet Powder Wit column might drop in his lap. But you know… and I do too… these times call for courage. If men of conviction do not speak up, how can we look ourselves in the mirror when tyranny takes root? No, ladies and gentlemen, my allegiance is larger than just loyalty as a writer for the Crab Cracker. My allegiance is to justice. My allegiance is to truth. That is what a sardonic sense of humor represents. As I think you all know by now….

Today —despite the fears and admonitions of my fellow South Enders – the time has come to speak out. Damn the consequences! Oh, I know, we dare not weigh in on impeachment hearings, climate change, Middle East assassinations, trade tariffs and the upcoming elections. But we cannot stay silent on the burning issue of our time. No, trouble has come to our fair city, little Stanwoodopolis. I’m not talking about the decay of Viking Village, I do not refer to the suburban take-over up on Haggen Hill, I won’t even mention the need for a new library. I’m talking, of course, about a crematorium right here in River City, capital C, rhymes with T and stands for Trouble … if I can quote the Music Man.

And worse, as I’m sure you’ve all heard, the downtown Dust to Dust Ashes to Ashes Crematorium, fully approved by the City Council, now is applying to use the Hamilton Stack in order to meet the anticipated demands of its human incineration, their argument being that noxious aromas would be greatly mitigated with that higher stack. Pollutants would be carried out to Port Susan where only the seagulls might be troubled. And the occasional crabber.

It’s time to nip this in the bud. This isn’t just about carbon footprints. This is carbon whole body prints. This is Grandma Jenny going up in smoke, wafting on the offshore breeze down as far as the South End for heaven’s sake. Say no to the Hamilton Stack Incinerator! Call your mayor, call your city planner, call the lady with the alligator purse, but call somebody before they all go up in smoke! Do it for a Carbon Neutral Future! Do it for the Pioneer Cemetery! Do it for Grandma!
[Paid for by the Committee to Stop the Hamilton Stack Human Incinerator]

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