The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Back when the Stanwoodopolis Gazette was still, more or less, a viable newspaper — even if it only published once a week — I thought it would add some zest to the Letter to the Editor to run myself, Skeeter Daddle, for Island County Commissioner. Don’t get me wrong, I hadn’t developed dreams of grandeur or plans to use my influence for personal profit, maybe hold the office for a term, run for the Senate, all stepping stones to the White House and immense wealth. Sure, okay, I had been asked by some politico in Island County politics at some event if I was indeed the infamous Skeeter D., and when I mistakenly admitted that yes, I was the very same, she asked if I would consider throwing my hat in the ring for Commish.

Anyone who knows me would break down in tears of mirth at the idea of my battered hat tossed into the political arena. Which may or may not have anything whatsoever to do with my deteriorating hat. As I told the good charwoman, if nominated, I would not run, if elected, I would accept the salary … but no, Skeeter was not the standard bearer she was hoping for.

Nevertheless, it put the idea in my head to send letters to the editor, John, a friend of mine who took my bus driving route years prior, some supporting my candidacy whole heartedly, and the following week, some apoplectic that anyone in their right mind would consider voting for this total moron. John could see where this was headed by the second or third letter, a pitched battle on the editorial page for and against a candidate who wasn’t actually running for any office.

“We have a policy to run every letter,” he explained sadly over the phone. “But this will only cause confusion and mistrust. I’m asking you to cease and desist. Please.”

As the sort of guy who would take an inch and stretch it into a kilometer, I hated to drop the hilarity, April Fools every week. But I did. Looking back all these years, pre-Fox News, bogus social media, fake journalism, all I can say is I was man ahead of my times. Just didn’t have enough sense to monetize my prescience….