The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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I did not have sex with that Ukrainian President! No wait, that was a Democratic President who was lying. This is different, fundamentally, different. We did not talk quid pro quo on that phone conversation. In fact it was a perfect phone conversation, perfect. So perfect we locked it up in the super secret Cone of Silence at the Deep State Data Bank Vault, but we have a transcript, not quite as perfect, mind you, but pretty perfect. You can judge for yourself that I’m innocent.

Well, okay, I did ask the comedian president, Zelenskiy, or Zorro or whatever his goofy name is, for some help cleaning up corruption in that shithole country he’s running. Sent Rudy right over there, see what’s what, get it cleared up before things get worse and they elect a clown for president. They got the goods on Biden and his kid. We just need to get them to dig a little, find something we can use before the 2020’s. You believe that guy, Sleepy Joe, using his name to get his kid a 50K a month gig on their oil board? Corruption! They both ought to be in jail. High crimes and treason.

So what if Little Adam Schitt has a whistle blower, fake news, third hand rumors, who cares? There was no quid pro quo, I only asked Zorro to look into Biden’s boy, big deal. What, another whistle blower? First hand information? There’s treason, you ask me … the guy ought to be outed and shot. Along with Shifty Schitt. So yeah, maybe I did put the chill on those weapons we promised Zorro to fight the Russians. Who, by the way, aren’t bad people if Putin was being honest with me and I think I know honesty when I hear it and I hear it louder than anyone ever has now or before. I hear it like a bell beat by a gong, a huge gong. It sounds great.

So I asked for a favor if he wanted those weapons. I admit it, big deal, who cares? That’s how we do business. Maybe you read my book, The Art of the Deal? I still have some copies you can buy. I’m the deal guy, the best, nobody like me since Kubla Khan, and I could take him with one hand behind my back. If I could reach that far ….

Trading influence for political gain? I don’t think so. Read the transcript. Perfect phone conversation, I won’t say too many times again. No, the real one is locked up. You’d just cherry pick it, twist it around, make me look like a crook. I’m not a crook, I’m a businessman, that’s why you morons elected me, time for a change. I just want to weed out corruption, nepotism, drain the swamp, make America Great Again. Go look at what Biden did, it’s a crime, a real felony, why pick on me? China, you listening? I’d take any help I can get. Give me a call. Rudy’s got a jet ready to roll.

Impeach me?? Who you kidding? Rick Perry is who you want. Made me call that Zorro guy. Now the coward has quit. Looks guilty as hell, quitting like that. Talk to him, I don’t know anything about it.

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‘Don’t Throw Me In that Briar Patch’
Br’er Rabbit to Br’er Fox

You gotta pity the poor Democrats. The Mueller Report was replete with impeachable offenses and Mueller himself made it clear the ball was now in their court. His job was to investigate, provide facts, serve up indictments, refer to other judicial branches those issues outside his purview but crimes nevertheless. A sitting President, not his job to make the call. What he said was he could not, NOT, offer exoneration on the issue of Obstruction of Justice. That job would fall to the Congress using the powers of impeachment.

Congress, of course, has all the courage of the lion in the Wizard of Oz as it chews on its tail in trepidation. The GOP, as always, is willing to ignore just about anything short of murder to defend their new leader, the guy who has changed the Grand Old Party into the Greedy Obnoxious Partisans with scarcely a whimper from the boys in the club. The Democrats believe what the Republicans are threatening them with: that an impeachment will backfire on them in the 2020 elections. They think it might be better to let that go and fight for a replacement to the Boy King next cycle.

They could be right, of course, and expediency could trump justice here. But the argument against leaning into impeaching a president so utterly lacking in decency or morals is that the case is comparable to Clinton’s, who was impeached, but not convicted in the Senate. The Senate now has made it crystal clear they have no interest in Trump’s malfeasance so long as they can use him for their own goals. Profiles in Courage, not so much. Clinton’s impeachment was seen, ultimately, as partisan over-reach. He said under oath he did not have sex with that woman and most people could understand, if not condone, lying about sexual improprieties.

Trump, on the other hand, refused to testify for Mueller. We all know he lies constantly, possibly doesn’t even know the difference between what is true and what isn’t. We know he and his advisors met multiple times with the Russians, even asked them to find Hillary’s emails. We know why he fired Comey. We know why he asked his attorney to write a letter denying he had asked for Mueller to be fired. We know plenty. We know enough that if Trump were not President, he more than likely would be indicted for obstruction of justice. He may not have conspired with the Russians, but he certainly colluded. Collusion is not a crime. Conspiracy is and it requires coordination between the two parties. Trump mostly wanted a Tower in Moscow. The boob never dreamed he might actually win the election. The goal was that Tower. The rest was prototypically real estate shenanigans.

Mueller will be testifying in a few weeks but nothing much will change. Barr did his utmost to muddy the water. The swamp is growing suburbs out there in DC. And the real victim is government once again. Something stinks in America. Something is rotting. We all know what it is, we just can’t seem to do anything about it. Which brings us to the 2020 election. You won’t be hearing many Democratic candidates leading chants to Lock Him Up, Lock Him Up! We just passed that milestone and now we’re moving into the Next Chapter, just get rid of this angry little Fuhrer and let us put him behind us where historians can dice his legacy into a nasty puree of corruption and greed, small mindedness and self-serving illegitimacy. Trump will get his tower all right, one with no windows and his name in black letters. He will go down in the annals of American History as the worst of the bottom feeders. If there was truly any justice, we would blot his name from every edifice and every consciousness. We would completely and forever forget this sad chapter as, hopefully, a temporary madness.

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