The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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Yes, you heard right, folks are clamoring in the heartland for their hero to be nominated for the Peace Prize. The dotard who threatened to obliviate the Little Rocket Man’s country. The pacifist who stands up to Russian aggression in the Crimea and Ukraine, not. The bully who uses his office to berate those individuals he dislikes. The boy who wants to build a 2000 mile wall between us and Mexico. But let’s stop, you know who I mean.

The man is many things, but a promoter of world peace, let’s dial down the meds, okay? Next thing you know, we’ll be giving him the Literature Prize for his tweets. And the Physics Prize for that impossible comb-over. I know you like the guy, all that tough talk and swagger, but c’mon, let’s stay in earth orbit.

But, you say, he has brought North Korea to heel. They’ve got a rapprochement with the South, they’ve quit testing their nukes, they wilted in the face of the Man who embodies the art of the deal. So what if their testing facilities had collapsed completely? So what if the South brokered the deal? The man is taking full credit. Not really sure yet for what, other than a meeting to discuss some kind of deal, but why not give him that Nobel right now anyway?? We’re working on blind faith obviously. The coal jobs are coming back (Economics award!), the tax cuts are fueling the American Revival (can we give him two Economics Nobels???), his golf courses are doing bang-up biz (Sports Nobels, anyone? or at least some kind of Olympic medal), he’s drained the Swamp (Biology?) and he’s turned facts and science on their heads (Philosophy).

Obviously some folks must think this is the Messiah. I know, he doesn’t seem very religious, but … this must be a New Religion. Maybe, let’s fly with this, maybe we should anoint him Pope or …. Guru … or … World Archbishop or, well, honestly, who am I, a mere mortal, to imagine the exaltedness? I have no doubt he will let us know when the time is right. Probably soon. Expect New Commandments, tweets five times a day, prayer rugs to face Mir-a-Lago, a Pyramid on top of the Lincoln Memorial. Ramses will pale in comparison. Meet the new Caeser, Pharaoh of the Universe. Pay homage. Tremble in his shadow. He is the Mighty and Powerful Oz.

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