The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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Rudy Giuliani, the former federal prosecutor and mayor of New Yawk on 9-11, is currently (as of the last few hours) Donald Trump’s newest attorney. The man has a mouth like Montezuma’s Revenge and if he had any clue how to use it, he might be dangerous. The President may have found the perfect counselor, a mouthpiece to match his own, full of sound and fury, signifying … well, who knows. He’s been walking back his first statements, then his second and now his last and in the end, it’s exactly like his boss, bad craziness, lies and bombast, ignorance and narcissism full throated. Try, if you can, to avert your eyes, much less your ears.

Trump just hired the guy who was Clinton’s attorney when he was impeached. Tell you something? I can’t remember his name right off, but then, why bother keeping track, they come and go faster than Trump’s girlfriends. Rudy was brought in to clean up the whole witch hunt bizness and so far has pretty much hung a tire around Donald’s neck, mentioning how he knew Cohen was paying off Stormy, how he met with Cohen to make payments when Cohen complained he was getting stiffed, how the payments were necessary given the election was a week away. If Trump was worried Cohen would sing like a canary, he doesn’t have to wonder about his boy Rudy, the man is a bad opera.

Giuliani’s newest fallback is that he doesn’t have the facts yet. Just blabbing off the top of his head, I guess. Like I said, a perfect match for his master. Attorneys usually are conservative fellows, reluctant to say more than what is necessary, usually nothing much at all unless they’re under oath themselves. Whatever lawyer/client privileges might have been invoked down the road, Rudy has pretty much burned that argument by spilling his guts day in and day out.

If I wanted to drain the swamp there in D.C., I might start with a lot less lawyers and lobbyists. Trump, not so much. This guy can take credit, almost single-handedly, for bringing the unemployment numbers down, creating jobs at an incredible pace and hiring folks most people would consider unemployable. Give him credit where credit is due. I just wish I’d gotten a law degree.

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I think the saddest story I heard all week — and as you know, there were plenty coming out of the White House — was the one where Karen McDougal apologized to Melania for the affair she had with Melania’s husband Donald J. This is the stuff of trashy novels, soap operas and high-minded porn films, but the sad part was she loved the jerk. I know, it’s hard to imagine, but maybe we judge the man too harshly. Something underneath that braggart exterior, deeper than the bullying and the lying, more complex than the 10 year old angry punk who has a germ phobia, must be loveable. Vulnerable. Attractive to a Playboy model anyway.

Maybe we’re all too sensitized by the faux news stories that depict our President as a moron, a mean-spirited monster, a shallow dildo of a man interested in only himself and his next sexual and/or political conquest, a greedy knee-jerk real estate huckster who, despite winning the highest office in the world, still wants to sell Trump MAGA hats. An imbecile who Karen McDougal fell in love with over a prolonged affair. Maybe, just maybe, we’ve judged the man too harshly.

Who knows? Maybe he had a tough childhood. A cruel father. A mother who bottle fed him skim milk. A nanny who sexually abused the boy. An allowance so low he had to buy used Chevys. We don’t know what molded the man, do we? But Karen might. Karen was intimate with him. Karen loved him. And she thought maybe he loved her for more than her centerfold personality. Well, until he offered to pay her. And of course then she felt like … not the love of his life. Like … well, a woman who gave him sex and was now in a fiscal negotiation.

You think that isn’t sad?? You think maybe that’s the saddest sorry story you heard this week. It makes the Stormy Daniels tell-all coming up tomorrow on 60 Minutes look like a com/rom movie. Stormy didn’t love the jerk, she’ll be the first to tell you. And she wasn’t hurt and humiliated when he paid her to keep their tryst quiet. It was, after all, just a business deal. Maybe not too artful, but a deal’s a deal. And they’re made to be broken, as Donald has said many times. That right there is the Art of the Deal. And Karen, a word of advice, the next boyfriend, be a better judge of character. If he acts like an asshole, chances are, he probably is.

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Poor Melania. Another revelation of her husband’s phake news philandering. More stories of her embarrassment. Slinking back to Trump Tower to avoid the questions from the press. Talk of divorce, estrangement, disgust. Gimme a break.

I’m betting she signed a contract along with those wedding vows to keep quiet. Everyone else did. National Enquirer ponied up the money, killed the stories and keeps churning out those headlines about Hillary a year after the election was supposedly won by their favorite son. Maybe you don’t check out their covers in the checkout line, but trust me, they don’t pick on Trump or the First Lady. This is what Tabloid Propaganda looks like. Forget about the lamestream media. Fox and the Enquirer have a copyright on that.

And now the FBI has indicted those Russian trollers and hackers with who knows how many Americans coming next. Fake news!! Always fake news. You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!!! I bet Melania can handle it. If anyone knows the dark heart of Donald, she and Stormy do. He’s a serial womanizer. Hell, he admitted it, what more do you want! These new revelations, let’s just call it icing on the cake. The one the naked lady will burst out of. A good percentage of the ‘base’ wishes they had his lifestyle, his money, his gold toilet, his women. The American Dream, they think. Win the Lottery, live like Donald. Be a TV star, be the President of the United States.

No, save your tears for someone other than Melania. She bought the store hook line and slinker. They say she cried when her man won the election. Well, join the club, sweetheart.

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