The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Today I am announcing that I will not, I repeat, will NOT be running for the Presidency of the United States. And I know what you’re thinking, it’s just a shrewd tactic to make my apparent non-candidacy stand out against that multitude of those who have thrown their hat into the ring. My hat, beat up and bent, will stay firmly on my unbowed head. But believe me when I say if nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve.

I don’t blame my fellow citizens for viewing this coming 2020 election as a wild card, anything goes, who-knows-what kind of race. If Donald J. Trump can boast about grabbing women’s genitals, can bully and tweet insults and pejoratives, can make the White House a locker room for frat boys and country club clowns, can use the office for financial gain for himself and his family, well, the door is wide open for just about anybody with even an erratic heartbeat and an IQ above that of an orangutan with a comb-over on its simian butt.

95% of the country would qualify as Presidential. And at least half of Congress. The Democratic debates in the fall of two years from now will look like the starting line of the Boston Marathon, maybe enough time to give everyone’s name but not much left for parsing issues of the day. But since they’re all eminently qualified in a post Trump campaign era, I want to make a small suggestion to the folks in the smoke filled rooms who usually handicap these horse races. A Lottery.

Yes, a Lottery. Americans love throwing the dice. They love Wheel of Fortune as much as they love throwing a few bucks every week at the Lotto. Why not start, oh, about a year prior, spin the Giant Wheel with maybe a thousand candidate names, pick a semi-finalist every month, all leading up to the Final Spin, see who will run against Mike Pence. By then Mike’s handlers should have found a semi-talented ventriloquist who can avoid moving his lips and will sit unobtrusively beside him as the Vice Presidential candidate. And yeah, I know, just thinking about an opportunity to debate someone of Mr. Pence’s caliber will bring out even more candidates. Probably as many Republicans as Democrats. Is this country great again, or what?

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