The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Today I am announcing that I will not, I repeat, will NOT be running for the Presidency of the United States. And I know what you’re thinking, it’s just a shrewd tactic to make my apparent non-candidacy stand out against that multitude of those who have thrown their hat into the ring. My hat, beat up and bent, will stay firmly on my unbowed head. But believe me when I say if nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve.

I don’t blame my fellow citizens for viewing this coming 2020 election as a wild card, anything goes, who-knows-what kind of race. If Donald J. Trump can boast about grabbing women’s genitals, can bully and tweet insults and pejoratives, can make the White House a locker room for frat boys and country club clowns, can use the office for financial gain for himself and his family, well, the door is wide open for just about anybody with even an erratic heartbeat and an IQ above that of an orangutan with a comb-over on its simian butt.

95% of the country would qualify as Presidential. And at least half of Congress. The Democratic debates in the fall of two years from now will look like the starting line of the Boston Marathon, maybe enough time to give everyone’s name but not much left for parsing issues of the day. But since they’re all eminently qualified in a post Trump campaign era, I want to make a small suggestion to the folks in the smoke filled rooms who usually handicap these horse races. A Lottery.

Yes, a Lottery. Americans love throwing the dice. They love Wheel of Fortune as much as they love throwing a few bucks every week at the Lotto. Why not start, oh, about a year prior, spin the Giant Wheel with maybe a thousand candidate names, pick a semi-finalist every month, all leading up to the Final Spin, see who will run against Mike Pence. By then Mike’s handlers should have found a semi-talented ventriloquist who can avoid moving his lips and will sit unobtrusively beside him as the Vice Presidential candidate. And yeah, I know, just thinking about an opportunity to debate someone of Mr. Pence’s caliber will bring out even more candidates. Probably as many Republicans as Democrats. Is this country great again, or what?

Yep, it’s tax time again. Being a registered-in-the-state-of-Washington genuine bizness, I have to fill out quarterly taxes. Being self-employed, I have to pay into Social Security that part most folks’ employer contributes. Being a manufacturer (of stained glass windows), I fall under the B&O (bizness and occupation) taxes, unlike, say, attorneys or CPA’s, don’t ask me why.

Actually, go ahead and ask me … because here’s my gripe de jour. The laws taxing us citizens are bullshit. Don’t get me wrong, I pay my taxes and I believe in paying my taxes … for the simple reason that they are what funds schools and libraries, roads and bridges, armies and the Peace Corps. I want to live in a civilized society, not an anarchical jungle of predators, and if that means I have to pay my fair share, I’m happy to do it. What I’m not happy about is paying more than my fair share, and yeah, I know what you’re thinking, nobody thinks they’re paying their fair share. But I live in a country now where Warren Buffet pays less % taxes than his secretary, where CEO’s who make millions and hedge fund managers who make billions pay less than me because they have deductions built into the system and call their money capital gains so it can be taxed half as much. Well, I’m fairly or unfairly certain that the system is rigged in the favor of the rich. Ask Donald Trump. He won’t show you his taxes and for good reason.

A buddy of mine cheats on his taxes. In fact I know lots of folks who cheat on their taxes or don’t pay any taxes at all. My buddy claims I’m a sucker for being so goody-goody two shoes about paying mine when the rich have legalized their grand larceny. “Why would I pay more than they do?” he asks incredulously and honestly, I don’t have a good answer. If the wealthy won’t pay a fair share, what am I thinking? In the America I live in today the rich just got a tax break. Corporations, who the Supreme Court claims are individuals, just got a tax break. After Wall Street drove the economy of the country and the world into the toilet, you think they paid any price whatsoever? You think they felt any guilt? You think maybe they apologized for their greed that caused most of us great suffering? You think one single sonofabitch went to jail? I’m not against tax breaks, but c’mon, when the rich get most of the pie, what’s left for the little guy?

I can tell you I sleep better at night knowing I paid my taxes in full and maybe that’s why my buddy thinks I’m a sucker, duped by the Big Boyz, tossing my nickels into the public coffer they’re raiding. But lately I find myself starting to side with the cheaters. My mom used to tell us kids when we’d complain about neighborhood kids cheating at whatever game we were playing that season, take your marbles and go home. What do you do, though, when the cheaters own your home, collateralized the mortgage and sold it in bundles to the hedge fund managers and then bet that their worth will go down? Good advice, Mom, but only when you’re playing with marbles.