The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

I don’t work for the government so this Shutdown isn’t affecting me directly. Nevertheless, like most of us armchair citizens, I would like to end this game of Chicken as soon as possible. But you know and I do too, this standoff is going to be one long and ugly chapter in an era that will go down in the annals of politics as one of the very worst. Pick a side, there’s plenty of blame to go around and the longer this pissing match goes on, everyone loses. Especially American style democracy. And really, isn’t this what some folks want? Drain the swamp? Downsize government then drown it in the toilet?

Pelosi suggested to Trump that he forget about giving the State of the Union speech to Congress this year. Trump canceled her trip to Afghanistan. Pelosi can counter with Your Mother Wears Army Boots and Trump can throw his lunch hamburger and fries at her. Meanwhile 800,000 folks are furloughed or worse, working without being paid. And there are plenty more who are collateral damage.

Trump won’t budge unless he gets his Wall and the House won’t negotiate unless there’s something to negotiate. The Senate, well, the Senate won’t do anything until McConnell gets a notarized pledge from the Prez that he’ll go along with whatever bargain they come up with. Something tells me this isn’t what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they set up the checks and balances. In some countries this would be the right time for the military to step in and end this constitutional crisis by just skipping the constitution. In our case we’re going to get a food fight.

Every day of this month long shutdown more government workers are being called back to their jobs. Not with pay, mind you, just to hold down the damage. No one thinks this is fair. Some may think this is just a bit of a nuisance, nothing to jump up and shout about, but the longer folks work who can’t pay for daycare or groceries or a mortgage or a car payment or emergency visits, the more it will seem like more, much more, than just a nuisance. When the rich sneer that these people can eat cake if they’re hungry, they’ve started a fire that will make the discontent of the last election look like a wiener roast. The trouble is, we’re all going to get burned.

I just read a poll that found that 84% of us adults believe the world is round. Which, if my math is correct, means 16% of us Americanos aren’t so sure. Might be it’s trapezoidal. The Millenials, those folks 18-24 years of age, clocked in with 66% pretty sure the planet wasn’t flat, but 4 % were convinced it is. More than half of the Flatlanders declared they were ‘very religious’.

NASA was created to keep the truth from ever coming out. Billions were spent to fake a moon landing, photos from outer space were doctored, the government wants to hoodwink us into believing the Earth is round. We’ve been brainwashed! All these years we were taught the early explorers sailed ‘around’ the world when actually they must have circled back to the other side. And now scientists say the planet is warming and the seas will rise up and we need to do something about it before it’s too late! Ha, the water will just run off the edges, don’t you see? Open your eyes!! It’s the researchers and scientists who are trying to protect their jobs at any cost to the rest of us.

What an incredible conspiracy! We were right to send Galileo to the Inquisition for blasphemy. Any fool can walk down the road and feel how flat the surface is. And it must be perfectly level, not tilted, or we would slide right off the edge with all the melted glaciers. It must be pretty thick too; otherwise, how would gravity hold us down? Unless … right! Gravity is a hoax too! Isn’t it obvious?

I remember when the Comet Kehoutek was coming, about 1973, and folks were gathering to board, believing they would be journeying to … well, a better world, or Nirvana, or someplace else anyway. They were True Believers but the comet still didn’t stop to pick them up. The disappointment must have been great, but I suspect it didn’t make them question their assumptions, probably just picked up some folks on Venus by mistake. Next time they’ll get the itinerary down with a little more precision.

It’s tempting to apply these polls to politics, see if there’s any correlation. But you know, and I do too, it’s just fake facts, phony statistics and more government meddling in your life. Best to just ignore this stuff and hope the world keeps spinning … and doesn’t tilt on its side.

It’s the start of the 4th week of the shutdown, what Trump was originally ‘proud’ to own, but now, not so much. He’s trying to sell it to the Democrats, but they’re a little busy setting up subpoenas and investigations to consider the Master Dealer’s offer to sell them swampland. Mitch McConnell is AWOL, probably hiding in a bunker somewhere beyond cellphone reception, so that leaves Lindsay Graham to speak for the Senate. And yeah, it’s a sad day in America.

And going to get a lot sadder, sooner, not later, but probably later too. The Trumpster is cornered. Cohen, his personal attorney will soon be testifying before Congress, taxes will be subpoenaed, Deutsch Bank records will be too, the translator between the President and his hero Putin will be asked for those transcripts when everyone else cleared the room, the walls are closing in. Even Fox News is turning on the guy. Yesterday a Fox interviewer asked him straight out if he colluded with the Russians and why did he meet with Putin alone then hide the transcripts. The chickens are coming home to roost.

Trump is finally lawyering up. 17 attorneys and counting, but let’s not include Giuliani, a disgrace to lawyers of any ilk and trust me, that’s saying a lot. No, Trump realizes it’s Firing Time and there’s really only one candidate for the Ax. So … what will he do? I mean other than Tweet and Rant. He could, for instance, declare a National Emergency for that crisis we got on the border, keep our minds off the investigations. Or he could attack Iran. Wag the Dog!! Or, if today’s tweets are any indication, he could destroy Turkey’s economy if they attack the Kurds in Syria now that he’s announced we’re pulling out and abandoning our most committed allies there. The possibilities are numerous and why pick just one? Trade wars, broken alliances, troop pullouts in Syria and Afghanistan, the man is at his best when he’s changing the subject. Today he was going after Elizabeth Warren’s father. Staying on subject is not the Donald’s strongest suit, but misdirection is.

One thing is certain, nothing is going to get accomplished by this government until Trump is impeached or driven from the White House or just decides it’s high time to decamp and start the Trump News Broadcasting Station. Government is in Shutdown until then.

Personally, I think we got a very real crisis. Inside our own border. Time maybe to declare a National Emergency.

Go Phish Yourself

It’s Monday morning and the phone is ringing off the hook. Medicare, Microsoft scams, phishers and god only knows what low-life scum hoping for some poor schnook to hand out social security numbers and bank accounts. What I’m slowly coming to realize is that I’m one of the last people in America and possibly the globe who still owns a listed landline. A few days ago a Molly called six times in the space of a few hours to alert me to possible fraudulent credit card activity on an account we don’t even have. And no, in case you’re wondering, I don’t have Caller I.D. I pick up the phone, just like in the good old days, and say hello.

Lately I get calls from robots. “Is this Skeeter?” they begin and once I acknowledge that indeed I am, the facsimile human voice goes immediately into its pitch. If I try to cut them off, they have no pause button. There’s no one there to pause. And yeah, I know in a month or two, they’ll have an automated voice that does respond appropriately, just a matter of coding with a tad more finesse. I have a real woman who calls every week. She is cheerful and bubbly and always starts with ‘it’s so good to hear a pleasant voice’ before mentioning the last hundred which were worse than her mother-in-law’s welcome or some such bogus bullshit you’d maybe think I’d have memorized by now but don’t.

For a time or two I tried to tell her she called a few days ago with the exact same pitch, but she talks over me and okay, maybe she’s not a she, probably she’s an It. I can’t tell anymore and trust me, once the androids come knocking on our door, I won’t be able to tell a cyborg from a Jehovah’s Witness. I suppose I could get an unlisted number, I know I could pay for a cellphone, I could always let the answering machine pick up and see if a human might be calling, but dammit, I hate to pay for privacy and I hate screening calls.

So I’ll probably just keep on picking up the phone when it rings, call me stupid,