The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

44% of Republicans are convinced Bill Gates is using the coronavirus to infect millions so that he can implant microchips with the vaccine and then … well, who knows? Track them? Control them? Make slaves of them? About 19% of Democrats think the same thing. I must be watching the wrong newsfeeds and reading the wrong newspapers because I had no idea Bill was doing this, not a clue. Actually, I thought that was what Mark Zuckerberg was up to with Facebook. Tracking us, controlling us, making stupid slaves of all of us. Goes to show, I need to pay more attention. The tech boyz are working overtime while I’ve been snoozing.

So, if we’re to believe these statistics — and I’m sure 44% of Republicans and 19% of Democrats don’t — the pandemic isn’t just a hoax, although maybe it is maybe it isn’t, what it is is a grand conspiracy by the man who brought you the home computer to scare the bejabbers out of gullible citizens so that they’ll jump at the chance to get a vaccine to save their lives and then, and then! he’ll implant something, a microchip apparently, that will receive signals and turn every sucker who got the cure into a mindless servant of Bill Gates. Kind of like what they are already, servants of Microsoft, only now he wants more than just their money and their allegiance, he wants Total Control!! He wants to be Head Body Snatcher!!

Any way you look at this, it’s frightening. Half my fellow shoppers at the grocery store, especially the ones who don’t wear plague masks, believe Bill Gates is an evil genius. (Actually I believe most of the Tech Boyz are evil geniuses, but for a slightly different reason.) Half the folks that live around me are probably stocking up on garden seeds, toilet paper, wheat flour and yeast, buying freezers and filling them with locker meat, snatching up chicks at the feed store, all in the vain attempt to prepare for the day which is coming soon the rest of us are minions and slaves to Billy Gates, Mindmaster of the Universe. Half the yahoos that drive by our house are hoarding guns and ammos, building bunkers, boarding up their homes, getting ready for the rest of us who will be coming to take away their chickens and their TV’s and their computers.

In other words, half the people I meet and half the people I don’t meet, are certifiably 100% batshit crazy. Sure they look normal. Sort of. Sure they speak coherently. Most of the time. Course they seem just like you and me. Me anyway. Not sure anymore about half of you. But deep down, back in the sloppy recesses of their gelatinous brainpans, they’re totally whacked, probably soak themselves in tubs of nanobubble bath that will protect them from aliens and computer commands, babbling like drunk porpoises half the night behind double locked doors.

I might not care if they wallowed in their bubbly insanity or shopped beside me or drove past me, but here’s the thing. The nutjobs VOTE! They already voted in the biggest nutjob whacko to swerve down the American pike in my lifetime and maybe anyone else’s. What are they capable of doing next?? And they think Bill Gates is scary? The computer was supposed to open the doors to all the knowledge in the world with a couple clicks on a keyboard. Who knew what Bill was really up to? And now who knows what half of us are either….

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