The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

In the latest White House revolving door, here’s yer hat, what’s yer hurry? incident, President Trump announced that he was replacing his vice president, Mike Pence with Fox News analyst Sean Hannity. “I watch Sean all the time and I have to say, the man is brilliant. He agrees with me 99% of the time.” When asked how an elected official such as the Vice President could be legally and constitutionally fired, Mr. Trump stated that his stable of lawyers had assured him he was the President and could do whatever he wanted. “I want Sean Hannity,” the Commander-in-Chief declared. “I don’t want a yes man, I want a Hell Yes! Man.”

Following on the heels of the President’s hiring of John Bolton as National Security Advisor and Larry Kudlow as economic advisor, both Fox commentators, as well as a few others from the Fox network in lesser roles, the White House team now looks more and more like it’s finally Fair and Balanced. The President feels comfortable with his new inner sanctum and rumors abound that the purging of the first year’s cabinet has only just begun. Fox News is scrambling to fill its vacant seats by hiring interns straight out of high school, primarily students who refused to march against the NRA gun lobby. Unfortunately there aren’t as many as there are vacancies.

Team Trump, aka Faux Fox, seems positioned to reinvent government and while not entirely fulfilling campaign promises to ‘drain the swamp’ of D.C., they certainly are poised to tip the ship of state and sail on without the original crew of what are now seen as Deep Staters. The S.S. Donald is steaming full speed ahead into turbulent international waters, manned by Fox sycophants and psycho-rants who happily applaud the captain in his search for white whales and beached bikini models. Network ratings are through the roof, the Skipper exulted. ‘Like nothing before. And you ain’t seen nothing yet.” Where oh where is Gilligan when we need him?

I think the saddest story I heard all week — and as you know, there were plenty coming out of the White House — was the one where Karen McDougal apologized to Melania for the affair she had with Melania’s husband Donald J. This is the stuff of trashy novels, soap operas and high-minded porn films, but the sad part was she loved the jerk. I know, it’s hard to imagine, but maybe we judge the man too harshly. Something underneath that braggart exterior, deeper than the bullying and the lying, more complex than the 10 year old angry punk who has a germ phobia, must be loveable. Vulnerable. Attractive to a Playboy model anyway.

Maybe we’re all too sensitized by the faux news stories that depict our President as a moron, a mean-spirited monster, a shallow dildo of a man interested in only himself and his next sexual and/or political conquest, a greedy knee-jerk real estate huckster who, despite winning the highest office in the world, still wants to sell Trump MAGA hats. An imbecile who Karen McDougal fell in love with over a prolonged affair. Maybe, just maybe, we’ve judged the man too harshly.

Who knows? Maybe he had a tough childhood. A cruel father. A mother who bottle fed him skim milk. A nanny who sexually abused the boy. An allowance so low he had to buy used Chevys. We don’t know what molded the man, do we? But Karen might. Karen was intimate with him. Karen loved him. And she thought maybe he loved her for more than her centerfold personality. Well, until he offered to pay her. And of course then she felt like … not the love of his life. Like … well, a woman who gave him sex and was now in a fiscal negotiation.

You think that isn’t sad?? You think maybe that’s the saddest sorry story you heard this week. It makes the Stormy Daniels tell-all coming up tomorrow on 60 Minutes look like a com/rom movie. Stormy didn’t love the jerk, she’ll be the first to tell you. And she wasn’t hurt and humiliated when he paid her to keep their tryst quiet. It was, after all, just a business deal. Maybe not too artful, but a deal’s a deal. And they’re made to be broken, as Donald has said many times. That right there is the Art of the Deal. And Karen, a word of advice, the next boyfriend, be a better judge of character. If he acts like an asshole, chances are, he probably is.

Last season’s episode of the Wild Women of the West Wing ended with Melania storming out of the White House after an explosive argument with her husband concerning which of his last two affairs was his favorite, Stormy Daniels or Karen McDougal. The Donald refused to answer her questions but eventually claimed he’d never met either woman. This cliffhanger set the stage for what promises to be a hilarious round of legalistic semantics in this coming season.

Season Two of WWWW begins with the Donald fuming in the White House as 60 Minutes airs the Stormy Daniel interview. Hysterical comedy ensues as the Prez’s personal attorney threatens to sue the sassy porn star for millions over violation of a non-disclosure agreement DJD never signed. And an affair he claims never to have had.

Meanwhile a constant stream of advisors and cabinet members rotate through the second season’s episodes in a kaleidoscopic blur of firings and hirings. The cast by the second season is larger than Spartacus. At one point the President shouts at Kellyanne Conway, “Bring me more bodies! Bring me more bodies!!” If you thought Season One was preposterously hilarious, Season Two promises to up the ante on farcical absurdity to levels never seen before on daytime TV.

The producers, Steve Bannon and Paul Manafort, promise plenty more shenanigans in the second season of this Emmy nominated series. Two or more spin-offs are in the works from Alt-Right Stay Left Productions, the successful folks behind WWWW told Fox and Friends just yesterday. The Sarah Huckabee Sanders Truth or Dare Show is in the final planning stages and filming has already begun on Firing Line, starring Jim Comey, Andrew McCabe and Robert Mueller, a 10 part HBO original critics have given rave reviews. ‘Gone with the Wind meets South Park’, one anonymous critic said. ‘Racism never played with such comedic flair. Dark and twisted, but hilarious.’

Strap yourself in for a wild ride with the Stormy Season Two’s first episode until its exhilarating surprise finale. Season One is available on Netflix streaming.

Well, Mark Zuckerberg has told us for years that privacy is a thing of the past. In fact, he thinks we should embrace a completely public existence and just to help us out, Facebook opened up its vaults of your personal information to a political team called Cambridge Analytica working for Donald Trump. Cambridge Analytica harvested –I love that word — harvested data from 50 million Facebook users to use in the 2016 presidential campaign. Thanks, Mark!

Facebook attorneys point to the disclosure clauses all Facebook suckers agreed to in defense of their lack of security. You signed up, you gave up your rights, read the fine print, boys and girls. Somehow, though, I don’t think a legalistic defense is going to help these folks whose vision of the company apparently never included a premonition of what was coming. Russian bots, faux news stories, data mining, alt-right hoaxes, phony baloney trollers, political operatives and shady ‘friends’.

I have my own problem with the idea of Facebook as a public forum, but why air that opinion one more time? If folks want to sex-text, if the neighbors want to reveal to any and all what their favorite pizza topping is, if this is the way families and friends communicate in the 21st century, be my guest. Mark’s your guy. Me, I didn’t move lock stock and crackerbarrel down to the South End of a little known island so I could tell you my secrets. It’s why we call em secrets. And no, I don’t think it’s a crime against society to keep my privacy. Even if, as we all know, the security cameras, the GPS cellphone tracking, the Google algorithms, the entire tilt of the future is toward eliminating the individual and celebrating the public. Big Brother is definitely here, he just turned out to be a corporation, not the government, not the Deep State. And all he asked, in return for instant communication and information, was that you ‘friend’ him. Trust him. Serve him. Obey him. Read the fine print, it’s right there between the lines….

Trump Trump Trump. It’s a constant frontal lobe migraine drip, never ending, never letting up, never pausing for a breath. Trump Trump Trump, another blockbuster story followed by another and another, you hate to peek at a newspaper in the morning or turn on the radio or watch the television or scroll down the internet headlines. Trump Trump Trump. The man is a P.R. Machine, doesn’t matter if the publicity is good or bad so long as it grabs you by the lapels and gives you a good hard shake.

Prostitutes pissing on the bed the Clintons slept in in Moscow? Affairs with Playboy models while he was married to … one or the other of his wives? Deals with shady Russian businessmen? Meetings in his country clubs with foreign dignitaries? Selling Trump products while he’s President of the United States? Trump Trump Trump. Firing the head of the FBI? Filling his cabinet with totally unqualified lackeys or lobbyists bent on gutting their own agencies? Hiring his kids, qualified or not? Undermining the intelligence community? Trump Trump Trump. Denigrating his enemies? Bullying those who accuse him of wrongdoing? Petulance and pissyfits? Trump Trump Trump.

If entertainment is what you want from the White House, you got it, binge-worthy, eye-rolling, stomach-churning cliff hangers day after day. Trump Trump Trump, the air in the room is sucked out until nothing is left but Trump Trump Trump. White is black, night is day, truth is faux news, faux news is truth. You can scarcely believe this is happening, but wait, the next episode is already rolling. Indictments are rolling in, heads are rolling out, the Secretary of Something was fired yesterday and the new one is sworn in. More lies! More bullying! More threats! More firings! The cast of characters changes weekly and Trump Trump Trump claims he thrives on chaos, loves it, wouldn’t have it any other way.

The screws are tightening, the Mueller investigation is closing in, the associates and colleagues are singing like canaries to escape long prison terms, lawsuits are being filed to shut up the porn stars, how do you top yesterday’s episode??? Who is writing these scripts? Trump Trump Trump. What will we do when his show is canceled? What on earth will we do??? What stupid reality show can possibly take its place???