The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Stormy Daniels is a Russian spy mistress intent on destroying the United States of America. If you don’t believe it, ask yourself this: why did Trump fire the Secretary of State on the morning when Stormy Natasha Fatale’s ultimatum to the President that he accept the $130,000 hush money or Else ??? She and her attorney Boris Badanov aka Michael Avenatti have vowed to speak publicly on her yearlong affair with the Donald unless he takes back the slush money paid out by Trump’s own attorney, purportedly without his knowledge, who was merely trying to protect his friend from further shame and castigation shortly after the then candidate’s admission of groping women. To prevent that deadline from becoming the day’s headline, the President diverted the mainstream press’s attention by firing Rex Tillerson via Tweet. Mr. Tillerson had made the mistake a few months ago of calling the President a ‘fucking moron’, definitely fake news to serious journalists on Fox and Friends. Additionally Tillerson had agreed with the prime minister of England that Russia was behind the poisonings of a double agent and his daughter. Adios, Rex!

Obviously Stormy Daniels is a Russian operative, bent on destroying the good name of Donald Trump by disclosing what may seem obvious to the New York Times and the alphabet media, but has been denied repeatedly by the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, even if she did let slip that this affair had been litigated previously in the President’s favor. Stormy and her friend (and probable spy) Playboy model Karen McDougal, each claim to have had sexual affairs with the Commander-in-Chief, even suggesting he invited them to participate in a menage-a-trois. What this hints at is that the two women may also be engaged in a double operation with a definite French connection. Quelle Tristesse! So sad!!

Today the President himself filed a lawsuit against Ms. Daniels for $20 million for violating the non-disclosure contract for the affair he claims he never had with Stormy D. I-never-had-sex-with-that-woman —– sounds vaguely familiar. Nearly half of Republicans polled this week believe the President has been faithful to his wives. 2% of Democrats believed he was faithful. This may tell us more about the GOP’s notion of ‘faithful’ than it does about the Donald’s illicit affairs. Apparently a non-disclosure contract with hush money negates an actual sexual act by a married man. Read the small print, I guess. Yesterday Stormy opened a crowd-funding site to help her with the $130,000 she’ll lose if she tells all to the press. She hit that mark in less than 24 hours. You know, and I know, the Russians donated the money. Quelle Tristesse!! Let’s see if they’ll pony up the 20 million. Or was that the gold bullion shipment that fell off the plane in Yakutsk yesterday? Coincidence? You be the judge.

In a hastily called news conference in the White House briefing room a visibly flustered Sarah Huckabee Sanders denied claims that the Administration had been infiltrated by beings from another galaxy. When questioned repeatedly concerning reports that the President had been abducted and replaced by shape-shifting aliens from beyond our solar system, she answered unequivocally ‘Fake News’.

Reports from the CIA and FBI, as well as from the NSA, would seem to contradict Ms. Sanders’ denials. In a much watched interview on 60 Minutes, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos was unable to answer even the simplest questions, raising concerns in the press that her intergalactic captor had replaced her brain with its own but had not downloaded terrestrial data before the show. Sudden policy reversals by the President himself would indicate extremely aberrant behavior explained in part by cerebral hijacking by body snatching invaders. Further, the rash of cabinet members and staff suddenly and impulsively fired lends credence to the conspiracy theorists’ belief that the White House is being replaced one by one by creatures whose intention is still unknown to us.

Jake Tapping, of CNN, asked when the White House was made aware that the Russian leadership had been similarly replaced, from Vladimir Putin on down, and wasn’t this why the Administration refused to criticize Russian efforts to delegitimize American elections? Ms. Sanders declined to answer and moments later the press corps was horrified when Mr. Tapping was reduced to smoking ash shortly after a crackling blue light blinded the room. Sanders suggested Mr. Tapping had needed to use the restroom when his absence was noted by fellow journalists. She reminded the assembled news people that smoking in the briefing room was, under no circumstances, allowed. “Please don’t let that happen in the future if you know what’s best for you,” she warned with her trademark crooked smile.

Meanwhile a wary nation waits for some Announcement from the President. Or his children. Strange beams of light have been seen emanating from the Washington Monument and tours there have been canceled indefinitely. An unidentified porn star stepped forward this week to suggest the creature masquerading as Donald Trump has genitalia not of this earth, but when interviewed yesterday she refused to make further comment, citing a no-speech contract for $250,000. A worried population waits for further developments and analysis from Fox and Friends. Stay tuned.

Poor Melania. Another revelation of her husband’s phake news philandering. More stories of her embarrassment. Slinking back to Trump Tower to avoid the questions from the press. Talk of divorce, estrangement, disgust. Gimme a break.

I’m betting she signed a contract along with those wedding vows to keep quiet. Everyone else did. National Enquirer ponied up the money, killed the stories and keeps churning out those headlines about Hillary a year after the election was supposedly won by their favorite son. Maybe you don’t check out their covers in the checkout line, but trust me, they don’t pick on Trump or the First Lady. This is what Tabloid Propaganda looks like. Forget about the lamestream media. Fox and the Enquirer have a copyright on that.

And now the FBI has indicted those Russian trollers and hackers with who knows how many Americans coming next. Fake news!! Always fake news. You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!!! I bet Melania can handle it. If anyone knows the dark heart of Donald, she and Stormy do. He’s a serial womanizer. Hell, he admitted it, what more do you want! These new revelations, let’s just call it icing on the cake. The one the naked lady will burst out of. A good percentage of the ‘base’ wishes they had his lifestyle, his money, his gold toilet, his women. The American Dream, they think. Win the Lottery, live like Donald. Be a TV star, be the President of the United States.

No, save your tears for someone other than Melania. She bought the store hook line and slinker. They say she cried when her man won the election. Well, join the club, sweetheart.

For various reasons I’ve been flying the not-so-friendly skies lately. Costa Rica, Utah, Wisconsin with plenty more on the way. Burning a lot of my carbon credits, for sure, if you’re the type who pays attention to such things. Okay, if you’re a ‘liberal’, the people who believe we’re spewing CO2 into the atmosphere at a rate that’s warming the world, melting glaciers, imperiling the polar bears and creating beachfronts where skyscrapers once stood. I guess I plead guilty to being one of those.

Lately I’ve been reading how jets are pretty huge culprits toward contributing to Global Warming, what we’ve rebranded as Climate Change. I haven’t done the math comparing airline travel vs. automobile or even trips by donkey, but I suspect jets use an inordinate amount of fuel and spew a lot of greenhouse gas and now I feel guilty every time I take a trip … even as folks like Elon Musk race toward space tourism. Pony up a quarter million dollars, in a year or two you’ll blast into earth orbit, leaving behind a carbon footprint the size of a brontosaurus herd. Meanwhile cruise boats are navigating the icepack for the well-heeled to venture down to Antarctica, helping to melt the place.

Course, half the folks who don’t believe in man-caused climate change do believe in chem-trails, the crackpot theory that the government is unloading poisons on us via commercial jets. Don’t ask me what the poisons are or what their nefarious intent is. And certainly don’t ask me why these conspiracy theorists don’t equate chem trails with Global Warming. If I could see into their minds, I would be hopelessly ensnared in a tightening morass of insanity and paranoia, no doubt leading to my vote in 2020 to re-elect Donald Trump as Pharaoh of the Planets.

What’s a concerned citizen to do? Walk to work? My work today is in Utah, 1350 miles from home. I could get a horse but equine flatulence has its own deleterious climate effect. I gotta tell you, living in a country that doesn’t even believe in Climate Change, it’s hard to know what the Responsible Course of Action is short of not having babies. There’s just a whole lot of us humans and most of us can’t afford to leave for the moon. The moon, of course, could use a little warming. Maybe instead of Antarctica, us liberals should plan now for our lunar vacations. Not much air but way less chem trails. At least for now.